Wilson Mizner Quotes

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

- Wilson Mizner

The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.

- Wilson Mizner

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

- Wilson Mizner

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

- Wilson Mizner

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

- Wilson Mizner

The first hundred years are the hardest.

- Wilson Mizner

Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

- Wilson Mizner

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

- Wilson Mizner

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

- Wilson Mizner

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

- Wilson Mizner

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

- Wilson Mizner

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

- Wilson Mizner

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

- Wilson Mizner

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

- Wilson Mizner

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.

- Wilson Mizner

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

- Wilson Mizner

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

- Wilson Mizner

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

- Wilson Mizner

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

- Wilson Mizner

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

- Wilson Mizner

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

- Wilson Mizner

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.

- Wilson Mizner

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

- Wilson Mizner

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

- Wilson Mizner

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'

- Wilson Mizner

Failure has gone to his head.

- Wilson Mizner

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

- Wilson Mizner

You sparkle with larceny.

- Wilson Mizner

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

- Wilson Mizner

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

- Wilson Mizner

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

- Wilson Mizner

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

- Wilson Mizner

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

- Wilson Mizner

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

- Wilson Mizner

It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.

- Wilson Mizner

Art is science made clear.

- Wilson Mizner