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Tim Allen Quotes

Powerful Tim Allen for Daily Growth

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

- Tim Allen

Dating, Like, Wagon, Ferrari

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.

- Tim Allen

Marriage, Relationship, Compromise

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

- Tim Allen

Give, Stand-Up Comedy, Took, Suggested

I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.

- Tim Allen

Love, Play, Youngest, Engage

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.

- Tim Allen

Friendship, Parenting, Dad, Mate

I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.

- Tim Allen

Big, Several, Yeah, Screw

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.

- Tim Allen

Religious, Very, Then, Peculiar

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

- Tim Allen

Funny, Liars, Figure, Algebra

I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

- Tim Allen

Positive, Lies, Figure, Algebra

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

- Tim Allen

Electricity, Go, Dangerous, Nephew

In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.

- Tim Allen

Car, Racing, Same Thing, Feelings

My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.

- Tim Allen

Wife, Loves, Which, Feelings

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

- Tim Allen

Trust, Woman, Area, Comment

I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?

- Tim Allen

Socialism, Understand, Why, Combine

The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.

- Tim Allen

Dress, Big, Las Vegas, Venues

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

- Tim Allen

Men, Reason, Alive, Maintenance

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

- Tim Allen

Myself, Some, Licence, Protect

I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults.

- Tim Allen

She, Independent, Only, Only Child

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

- Tim Allen

Work, Always, Had, Unmarried

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.

- Tim Allen

Love, My Life, Doing, All My Life

Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.

- Tim Allen

Nothing, Over, Minutes, Sitcom

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

- Tim Allen

Creative, Guy, Graphics

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

- Tim Allen

Experience, About, Fathers, Focusing

I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.

- Tim Allen

Think, Everybody, I Think, Ferrari

It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related to studios, not related to public whim. It's whether I'm funny or not and whether I can entertain people.

- Tim Allen

Entertain, Auditions, Whim, Skill

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

- Tim Allen

Opposite, Very, Tells, Saying

Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

- Tim Allen

Men, Bad, Too, Pigs

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.

- Tim Allen

Comedy, Ultimate, Anarchist

I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.

- Tim Allen

Over, Over It, Gotten, Irrational

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

- Tim Allen

Stress, Like, Lot, Until

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