Richard Belzer Quotes

If any animal is capable of unconditional love, it is surely the canine: they are forgiving, caring, life-affirming creatures who humble us and teach us to be more human and compassionate.

- Richard Belzer

I'm tired of Italian gangsters. Not that I don't watch 'The Godfather' every morning when I get up and 'Goodfellas' when I go to sleep at night. But I've just always been fascinated by Russia as a country, by the Russian personality. And now Russia is literally a gangster nation.

- Richard Belzer

In 1985, I was the host of a talk show, 'Hot Properties on Lifetime.' Hulk Hogan was on the show. He put me in a headlock and rendered me unconscious and let me fall to the ground. I split my head open and got nine stitches - and this was on live TV.

- Richard Belzer

In the seventies when I was struggling, I ate the same thing every day at Big Nick's Burger Joint on Broadway and 77th Street. A cottage-cheese omelette with tomatoes, French fries, rye toast, orange juice, and coffee. It was consistently the most satisfying meal I could possibly imagine.

- Richard Belzer

You remember France, it's the country that financed the American Revolution... OK, it was in their self-interest, but still, they made it happen. Let's face it: without the French, there would be no America... in other words, without them, there is no us.

- Richard Belzer

It is not impossible to succeed as a social democracy, where business and free enterprise thrive, and not abandon the disenfranchised, poor, sick, and elderly.

- Richard Belzer

Cancer is a cosmic slap in the face. You either get discouraged or ennobled by it.

- Richard Belzer

Scholastically, I did enough to get by, but I was smarter than I let on.

- Richard Belzer

Anybody who thinks there's not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg.

- Richard Belzer

It's this patronizing thing that people have about if you're against the war, everyone's lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars; they're not war experts.

- Richard Belzer

Have you noticed that the meanest, shrillest, least compassionate and most heartless people who are well off and have all the medical coverage they'll ever need are seemingly sickened beyond cure by the notion that someone who literally cannot afford health care is somehow beneath contempt and must be vilified and humiliated?

- Richard Belzer

If Sherlock Holmes can survive the Reichenbach Falls, then surely we have not seen the last of Detective Sergeant John Munch.

- Richard Belzer

When members of a certain party concoct various devious schemes to suppress votes, purposely misinform potential voters, spread vile untrue filth about certain candidates, play the race, gender and religious cards, and literally tamper with vote tallies, then we are not a truly representative government!

- Richard Belzer

If ever there was a misnomer in the political lexicon, surely 'values voters' is the all-time champ. The use of this term to describe the so-called base of the Republicans' so-called party mainly refers to an extremist, ultra-conservative, strain of so-called Christian conservatives.

- Richard Belzer

As I got older, I was able to articulate why I was rebelling against authority - because their motives were much more forceful and hurtful than I had ever thought.

- Richard Belzer

'SNL' came out in the '70s. It's a different zeitgeist. It's hard to re-create it, just as it would be hard to do a black-and-white noir film now. The culture's different.

- Richard Belzer

I secretly nurtured the idea of being in show business but was always terrified of it. I had every fear you could possibly imagine associated with performing.

- Richard Belzer

Everything is a conspiracy. People kind of demonize the word. But a conspiracy is when two people get together and do something. So, if more than one person does something, it's a conspiracy. The revolution was a conspiracy, Iran Contra, Watergate.

- Richard Belzer

The reason I wrote 'Hit List' is the 50 mysterious deaths of witnesses to the JFK assassination. We're talking about CIA agents, FBI agents, reporters, people who had foreknowledge, or people who spoke too much afterward.

- Richard Belzer

I was taught the truth will set you free... unless, of course, you want the truth about who killed JFK.

- Richard Belzer

I used to think of it as a joke that all paranoids were right. That was a joke in the '60s, but now I'm convinced that people should be paranoid reflexively - and then pare it down from there if there's any indication that they're wrong.

- Richard Belzer

If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total crap.

- Richard Belzer

There's a lot of children that go to bed every night hungry in New York City, and it's shameful. That's really disturbing to me.

- Richard Belzer

As a result of being on 'SVU' and 'Homicide' all these years, there's a lot of people who don't know I used to do stand-up. When they see me onstage, it's a surprise, and it's revelatory. I'm happy because I can do my old material, so everybody wins.

- Richard Belzer

When I was a kid in the '50s, I was very enamored of beatniks and... a kind of dark sensibility.

- Richard Belzer

One person, one vote sounds so reasonable and - dare I say it - democratic. But the voting process in America is anything but fair and balanced.

- Richard Belzer

The Kennedy assassination is one of the ghostliest parts of our history. The Kennedy family - that's our royalty. It's fascinating and tragic and just strikes to the heart of our country. Here's the youngest president ever, full of hope and promise, and he made government service seem like it was dignified.

- Richard Belzer

Most people cherish their very existence and try their best to live a life worth living. In spite of the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in our way, we somehow hope against hope and find a way to be as life-affirming as humanly possible! How? Love!

- Richard Belzer

I have to say Tim Thomerson is one of the funniest people I've ever met.

- Richard Belzer

I went to several public schools. I went to religious school. I was thrown out of Hebrew school, which was the final straw. They said, 'God doesn't like you anymore. Go eat pork.'

- Richard Belzer

Arguably, the first five years of 'Saturday Night Live' were some of the most radical things ever seen on television. When NBC said, 'Okay, you can do a show from 11:30 to 1 on Saturday night,' they didn't think anyone would watch. It was like giving a piece of the candy store to the kids.

- Richard Belzer

When I listen to a fascist, like Rush Limbaugh or Tom Delay or somebody like that, they help me define my views. I ask myself, 'Why do I feel so strongly the opposite of what that guy is saying? He's not stupid. He's evil, but why is he evil?'

- Richard Belzer

I've been cast as myself so many times, I guess I should catch on and figure out if it's a compliment.

- Richard Belzer

I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!

- Richard Belzer

I am not a cop. Really. I've just been playing one on television so long that people get a little confused sometimes.

- Richard Belzer

To be able to work for 20 years as an actor in an industry that is not so predictable, I'm grateful every day. I'll do it till I drop, I guess - or drop out.

- Richard Belzer

I've found you don't have to make anything up. Reality is so complex and fascinating and horrible and beautiful.

- Richard Belzer

I was thrown out of every school I ever went to.

- Richard Belzer

I think we make fun of the things that scare us the most.

- Richard Belzer

I'm a huge Obama supporter.

- Richard Belzer

My grandmother was very funny. It skipped a generation.

- Richard Belzer

Exercise is the fountain of youth, I believe.

- Richard Belzer

The number one job for me is to make people laugh. If I can also make people think, then that's a cool thing.

- Richard Belzer