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Norm Macdonald Quotes

Powerful Norm Macdonald for Daily Growth

You can't love your team without hating another team.

- Norm MacDonald

Love, Another, Your, Hating

So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit and wait by your phone. But it is very frustrating.

- Norm MacDonald

Wait, Away, Very, Phone

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

- Norm MacDonald

Stupid, Think, I Think, Clever People

When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that.

- Norm MacDonald

I Think, Tonight, Entertain, Guests

I just hate plugs. It just doesn't seem entertaining to me. I've never plugged anything in my life on a talk show ever. I understand people use that vehicle. It's just not very entertaining.

- Norm MacDonald

My Life, Very, Entertaining, Talk Show

I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely be myself. That's what I've always loved the most, of anything.

- Norm MacDonald

Myself, Always, Like, Talk Show

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

- Norm MacDonald

Perfect, Always, Everybody, Joke

I watch political shows for a number of weeks in a row, and all I see are guys arguing with each other over issues I have no idea about. My brother, he loves war-torn places. My dad would always read the paper and tell me I should watch CNN, but I usually wind up watching 'Breaking Bad.'

- Norm MacDonald

Other, Arguing, Weeks, Breaking Bad

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, 'How would you like to be a horrible actor?' Then you say, 'All right, that sounds good. I'll do that.'

- Norm MacDonald

Hollywood, Like, Very, Odd

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know?

- Norm MacDonald

Politics, Think, Pointless, Inconsequential

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.

- Norm MacDonald

Politics, Some, I Think, Inconsequential

I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end, you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

- Norm MacDonald

Love, Fantasy, Still, In The End

I don't really like doing big stand-up. Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

- Norm MacDonald

Doing, Big, Next, Theaters

Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.

- Norm MacDonald

Think, Like, Whenever, Theaters

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

- Norm MacDonald

Comedy, Intending, Make, Surprises

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.

- Norm MacDonald

Think, Cost, Very, Cracking

My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!

- Norm MacDonald

Play, Kid, Dad, Skated

In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone that can fill a stage with movement and energy, it just looks like a small man on a big stage.

- Norm MacDonald

Small, Big, Robin, Disconnected

I've been offered political shows before, and I don't know anything about politics and I feel uncomfortable making political opinions - there's consequences to them. I often think I'm wrong, so I really don't like getting in political or religious discussions because of the giant possibility that I might be wrong.

- Norm MacDonald

Politics, Been, Religious, Possibility

I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone.

- Norm MacDonald

Years, Bowls, Accessible, Jokes

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.

- Norm MacDonald

Same, Tedious, Very, Jokes

When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.

- Norm MacDonald

Shape, Everybody, Very, Good Shape

There are these showcase clubs where 14 guys will go on in a row and people are laughing at everything, and I'm like - 'I can't laugh that much. That's so weird to me.'

- Norm MacDonald

Will, Go, Like, Laugh

You're trying your best to make people laugh; then if you fail, they hate you. But your intent's the same. It's not like you're trying to do evil to them.

- Norm MacDonald

Best, Like, Them, Laugh

I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

- Norm MacDonald

Love, Politics, Almost, In The End

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

- Norm MacDonald

Defeated, Bother, Heroic, Implies

I don't like sports where it's like, you watch a guy on a motorcycle flip or something, then another guy does it, it looks exactly the same, and then at the end one guy gets higher points! It seems so arbitrary; I don't know who's ahead ever.

- Norm MacDonald

Ahead, Guy, Another, Flip

I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.

- Norm MacDonald

Saturday, Studio, Conan, Starting

I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money.

- Norm MacDonald

Good, Networking, I Think, Terrible

Letterman is very intimidating because he's so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he's a little squeamish about certain things, so you have to always be on guard to please him.

- Norm MacDonald

Always, Very, Certain Things, Intimidating

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