Neil Simon Quotes

Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending.

- Neil Simon

New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.

- Neil Simon

You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

- Neil Simon

Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.

- Neil Simon

If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet.

- Neil Simon

If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.

- Neil Simon

Nathan Lane always wanted to play Oscar. When he came in the first day, he already knew his lines. He said he'd known them since he was 18.

- Neil Simon

Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.

- Neil Simon

Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count.

- Neil Simon

Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life.

- Neil Simon

Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money.

- Neil Simon