Mary Gaitskill Quotes

Powerful Mary Gaitskill for Daily Growth

About Mary Gaitskill

Mary Gaitskill is an acclaimed American novelist, short-story writer, and essayist whose work explores themes of identity, love, sex, and power in contemporary society. Born on March 4, 1954, in Lexington, Kentucky, she grew up in various parts of the United States due to her father's military career. This nomadic upbringing influenced her understanding of human relationships and contributed to her unique storytelling perspective. Gaitskill attended the University of Chicago, where she studied literature, but dropped out before graduation. She moved to New York City in 1976, working as a bartender and a prostitute to support herself while pursuing her writing career. Her experiences during this time would later influence her debut short-story collection, "Bad Behavior" (1988), which offers an unflinching look at the darker aspects of human nature. In 1991, Gaitskill published her first novel, "Two Girls, Fat and Thin," a powerful exploration of female friendship and the societal pressures on women's bodies. Her work gained widespread critical acclaim for its raw honesty and emotional depth. Her second novel, "Veronica" (1999), follows a woman's search for meaning in her life after experiencing a series of traumatic events. The book is considered one of Gaitskill's most significant works and was shortlisted for the Pulitzer Prize. Throughout her career, Gaitskill has been recognized for her literary prowess, receiving numerous awards, including the O. Henry Award, the National Book Critics Circle Award, and a MacArthur Fellowship. Her impact on contemporary literature continues to be felt as she fearlessly tackles complex themes and offers fresh insights into the human experience.

Interpretations of Popular Quotes

"The things we want are never ours for long."

This quote by Mary Gaitskill suggests that all possessions, including desires, dreams, or relationships, have a limited shelf life. Nothing is permanent, and even the things we treasure most will eventually change or slip away from us due to various circumstances. It's a reminder of the impermanence of life and our experiences, encouraging individuals to cherish moments while they last and be open to new ones as they come.

"Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread."

This quote by Mary Gaitskill emphasizes that love, much like bread which requires ingredients, effort, and time to bake, is not a static or passive entity but something dynamic and active. It suggests that love needs cultivation, work, and investment in order to grow and be sustained. In other words, love does not simply exist without human interaction; it must be nurtured and created through actions and feelings, making the effort comparable to baking bread.

"People who have been hurt by love sometimes think that love is the enemy and they swear off forevermore. But really what they have sworn off is need."

This quote suggests that individuals who have experienced pain in their romantic relationships may develop an aversion to love, viewing it as a source of harm. However, Mary Gaitskill's observation is that what these people are actually rejecting is the vulnerability and emotional dependence that come with loving someone - the need to be loved and cared for deeply. In essence, they fear being hurt again, not love itself. Thus, love, or the desire to connect intimately with another person, remains a powerful human need regardless of past experiences.

"There are some things you can't talk about, you can only do them."

This quote suggests that there are certain experiences or emotions that defy verbal expression; they must be lived and felt instead of being discussed or explained. It implies the importance of action, experience, and personal exploration in understanding the complexities of human life and relationships.

"We want to be loved for ourselves, but we also want to be loved for our potential, for the person we could become."

This quote by Mary Gaitskill eloquently expresses a common human desire. We seek love that acknowledges who we are in the present, appreciating our individuality, yet also embraces the hope for our future growth and development. In essence, it signifies the yearning for both immediate acceptance and faith in potential transformation. This sentiment captures the complexities of interpersonal relationships, reminding us that love encompasses an ongoing process of understanding and evolution.

I didn't start thinking about what I wanted to do professionally until I was 17. I was a hippie, but I did write.

- Mary Gaitskill

Start, Wanted, About, Hippie

It's scary to me to watch the world around us get less and less physical while in the imaginary world of pop culture, aggressive impulses and fear reactions are floridly, furiously stoked and indulged.

- Mary Gaitskill

Around, Pop, While, Stoked

What is faithfulness, anyway? Can you be unfaithful to your own feelings and faithful to someone else? Is it faithful to lie in bed night after night with someone you love but no longer desire while ardently dreaming of someone else?

- Mary Gaitskill

Love, Bed, Dreaming, Unfaithful

Stories mimic life like certain insects mimic leaves and twigs.

- Mary Gaitskill

Like, Leaves, Stories, Twig

The two basic social identities were Normal and Greaser; although a few sophisticated girls wore peace signs, hippies didn't exist, and while a seminal punk band, Iggy and the Stooges, was playing in nearby Ann Arbor, punk didn't exist yet, either.

- Mary Gaitskill

Two, Sophisticated, While, Iggy

Not being locked into one set of feelings, which you run the risk of mistaking for the truth, you have greater and more intense access to all feeling states, including those you would never choose to act out.

- Mary Gaitskill

Run, Choose, Access, Locked

On the rare occasions when my mother perfumed herself, she was going out, and so I rarely smelled those special scents up close on her body, except during kisses goodbye.

- Mary Gaitskill

Goodbye, Body, Smelled, Kisses

Where I grew up, in the Detroit area, there was a really good station. Sometimes you would hear songs for the first time on the radio, and if a really special song came on, somebody would turn it up, and everybody would just stop talking.

- Mary Gaitskill

Sometimes, Turn, Everybody, Detroit

Three writers together would be a nightmare of obstreperous self-consciousness.

- Mary Gaitskill

Three, Would, Writers, Self-Consciousness

I feel I'm often misunderstood by critics. People project a lot or exaggerate the subjective fragility simply because it's frightening to them.

- Mary Gaitskill

Project, Feel, Subjective, Misunderstood

One hot summer night in San Francisco, roughly 10 years ago, I was sitting in a crowded Pacific Heights restaurant when Alice Adams walked in with a man. She was about 60 at the time, and she was wearing a skirt that fell an inch or so above her knees and flat heels without stockings.

- Mary Gaitskill

Knees, About, Francisco, Skirt

Perhaps it should be obvious: Adultery is a social threat that arouses raw anger and fear, which the bellicose then need to discharge rather than merely feel, traditionally on the philandering wife or the female home-wrecker.

- Mary Gaitskill

Social, Adultery, Which, Discharge

I think a lot of writing, or a lot of young writers, especially, hold themselves back unnecessarily because they're so upset about the idea that they might be sentimental or so concerned about being criticized that way or even being that way that they just shy away from any strong expression or emotion.

- Mary Gaitskill

Strong, Upset, I Think, Sentimental

The first person to blow up my fashion consciousness was a 14-year-old girl named Sandrine. She was the most beautiful human I had ever seen.

- Mary Gaitskill

Consciousness, Had, Named, Blow

I don't know if I can say exactly what I seek in books, but one of them would be to deepen and expand my understanding of the world.

- Mary Gaitskill

Say, Them, Exactly, Deepen

You can't tell an 18-year-old to keep it down and turn off Britney Spears or whatever it is that they listen to.

- Mary Gaitskill

Down, Turn, Tell, Spears

I think it actually started in my late thirties. I started changing psychologically, and it was difficult to translate that into my writing.

- Mary Gaitskill

Think, Difficult, I Think, Psychologically

Sometimes I write from the point of view of characters whom I would dislike as people, not as a perverse exercise, but because this cracks the story open and makes me see it in a way I would not see it naturally.

- Mary Gaitskill

Point Of View, I Write, Cracks

Everyone says 'Anna Karenina' is about individual desire going against society, but I actually think the opposite is stronger: the way societal forces limit the expression of the individual.

- Mary Gaitskill

Desire, Think, Expression, Societal

Writing requires an intense inner focus, and sometimes you need to express outward, physically or socially.

- Mary Gaitskill

Need, Physically, Socially, Outward

I think once you write fiction, you put it out, and it can be interpreted in a variety of ways, some of which are going to be shocking to the writer.

- Mary Gaitskill

Think, Some, Which, Shocking

Married, you're basically part of the herd, and that makes life easier in a lot of ways in terms of social support. But if you're not by nature a herd animal, you start to feel like you're passing.

- Mary Gaitskill

Nature, Like, Social, Passing

I had really wanted adventure. At the time that I ran away, lots of kids ran away from home. It was something of a social phenomenon.

- Mary Gaitskill

Away, Social, Had, Ran

There is a sense in which we have - like, I go in to teach a class; I may be somewhat different than I would be talking to you, although it's related because it's public. I'm very different with my roommate or my lover or my cats. But I don't know if that means you're acting, really, if you're being truthful.

- Mary Gaitskill

Talking, Very, Would, Truthful

If anything is scary about my writing, it's that it's the product of a very particular vision and doesn't reference common speech that heavily. By 'common speech,' I don't mean language as much as an agreed-on way of seeing, or a shorthand.

- Mary Gaitskill

Language, Very, About, Shorthand

I found the world extraordinarily strange, having first left home at 15.

- Mary Gaitskill

World, Found, Having, Extraordinarily

Monogamy is desirable for many reasons, especially in creating a stable, emotionally connected home for children. But judging from centuries of human behavior, it is also a very difficult standard to meet.

- Mary Gaitskill

Standard, Very, Centuries, Monogamy

The hard truth is that there are people who believe they're writers and work hard at it and are sincere about it, but they don't make it. You have to be prepared for that possibility.

- Mary Gaitskill

Work, Work Hard, Prepared, Possibility

At 16, I was in Toronto and very shy and not hanging around with anyone who was intellectual in the slightest, so I didn't really have the means to discuss what I was seeing and feeling.

- Mary Gaitskill

Shy, Very, Means, Discuss

Something like riding a horse - which I've recently started doing - requires courage, especially for me, as I started out being actually scared of horses.

- Mary Gaitskill

Doing, Like, Which, Scared

Between my hatred of mall shopping and my mother's firm ideas about how a girl should dress, my style choices were pretty unenthusiastic: plaid skirts or whatever empire-waisted thingamabob was on sale at Sears.

- Mary Gaitskill

Mother, Dress, About, Shopping

I don't think that the Internet creates feelings that aren't there, nor does it provide an outlet. On the contrary, what I have thought about things like computer games - what has disturbed me about them - is that they appear to stimulate feelings of aggression without providing any physical release.

- Mary Gaitskill

Thought, Release, Providing, On The Contrary

Somebody once said to me, 'If you want to be understood, don't write fiction.'

- Mary Gaitskill

Want, Fiction, Once, Understood

When I was writing 'Bad Behavior,' I was very, very quiet. I would just sit there and listen to people. And if I was out in public, I was usually quiet, and people tended to assume I was stupid because I was a young, pretty girl who's quiet.

- Mary Gaitskill

Stupid, Bad Behavior, Very, Assume

My parents had met in high school and married right after my father came back from World War II. They honeymooned in Paris and returned to that city when my father, in college on the G.I. Bill, was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship.

- Mary Gaitskill

Father, College, City, Scholarship

I used to start at about 10 at night and work until early morning. My preferred way to work is to start in the early afternoon and work until about 3, go do errands, have dinner, and then write for a few more hours in the evening.

- Mary Gaitskill

Used, Early Morning, About, Evening

For two people to satisfy everything each needs for their entire lives is a tall order. Some couples may be equipped to do this. Some are not.

- Mary Gaitskill

Some, Needs, Lives, Tall

I think that's the real reason, sometimes, that people talk about my stories as being scary, because if you compare what goes on in my stories to what goes on in popular movies and popular songs, it's very mild.

- Mary Gaitskill

Reason, Very, Compare, Popular

I loved to read and would read anything that roused my interest, whether it was below my age level or above it, even if I could barely make sense of it.

- Mary Gaitskill

Level, Read, Below, If I Could

I remember back in the '90s, I used to feel criticized by women for not having children. Like there must be something wrong with me.

- Mary Gaitskill

I Remember, Like, Having, Criticized

My first and strongest memories about perfume come from childhood, from my mother, and they are a complex blend of her private and public selves.

- Mary Gaitskill

Childhood, Blend, Private, Strongest

I didn't want to keep forcing myself to grind out book after book.

- Mary Gaitskill

Want, Forcing, Keep, Grind

The appeal of perfume is that it is at once ephemeral and empowering. It creates a shimmering invisible armor that lingers in a room long after its wearer has gone and infuses our imagination with a subtle power, hinting at a hidden identity.

- Mary Gaitskill

Invisible, Hidden, Ephemeral, Armor

People sometimes turn out to be almost the opposite of how they present. It isn't because they're trying to fool you or because they're hypocrites. It's because they badly want to be that thing, and so they'll try to be it.

- Mary Gaitskill

Sometimes, Badly, Almost, Present

I think that with the proliferation of writing programs, people tend to forget that you also have to get used to working alone, and you have to be your own support.

- Mary Gaitskill

Think, Own, I Think, Programs

Having watched television, I would kind of play the role or picture myself on a television show or something like that. That's maybe always been true of a certain type of kid, even before television maybe, but I think it's been amplified to an insane level.

- Mary Gaitskill

Play, Been, I Think, Watched

People say that if you talk too much about sex, you take away the mystery. I say, if you're somebody who likes to talk, talk all you want - it's not listening. You will never take away the mystery.

- Mary Gaitskill

Away, About, Too, Likes

I believe that the truest parts of people can be buried, and for many different reasons.

- Mary Gaitskill

Parts, Reasons, Truest, Different Reasons

When looking out the window and watching the water becomes a drama, then literally everything is a drama.

- Mary Gaitskill

Looking, Drama, Literally, Window

It's true that your environment influences how you write.

- Mary Gaitskill

Environment, True, How, Influences

I've noticed women my age and a little younger, anywhere from 35 to 50, saying, 'Who would want to bring kids into a world like this?' Or, 'I don't want to spend my life that way. I want to do my artwork.' And they're very unapologetically stating this.

- Mary Gaitskill

My Life, Bring, Very, Stating

A sad person who is so involved with his sadness that he mistakes it for reality will have a hard time seeing himself as anything but sad. For him, the sadness is not a feeling that he experiences - it is him.

- Mary Gaitskill

Mistakes, Sadness, Will, Involved

I wanted to communicate and connect. I simply didn't seem able to do it.

- Mary Gaitskill

Communicate, Able, Wanted, Connect

Stories are the rich, unseen underlayer of the most ordinary moments.

- Mary Gaitskill

Moments, Most, Stories, Unseen

I think people try to make the most of their time on Earth and also to 'fix' their time on Earth.

- Mary Gaitskill

Think, I Think, Most, Fix

I didn't like horses when I was a kid.

- Mary Gaitskill

Kid, Like, Horses

Anne Frank's diary made a very big impression on me at age 12 or so.

- Mary Gaitskill

Diary, Frank, Very, Anne

I had a strong conviction that there was something out there in the world that was wonderful.

- Mary Gaitskill

Strong, World, Had, Conviction

Sometimes I decide I don't want to write because it isn't the thing for me to be doing right then, and I go do something else.

- Mary Gaitskill

Doing, Want, Sometimes, Decide

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