Les Dawson Quotes

Powerful Les Dawson for Daily Growth

About Les Dawson

Les Dawson (1932-1993) was a British comedian, musician, and writer, best known for his deadpan humor and pianistic wit. Born on October 17, 1932, in Salford, England, Dawson's early life was marked by hardship; he was one of ten children raised by a single mother during the Great Depression. This modest upbringing fueled his determination to make people laugh and provided ample material for his comedic repertoire. Dawson honed his skills as an entertainer while working in local clubs and variety shows, eventually landing a spot on the popular BBC radio program "Workers Playtime" in 1957. His deadpan delivery and piano-based comedy routines soon made him a household name in Britain. In the 1960s, he transitioned to television, starring in numerous series like "The Les Dawson Show," "Laughter at Home," and "Dawson's World." Throughout his career, Dawson was influenced by a variety of comedians, including Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, and Frankie Howerd. However, it was the American comedian Bob Hope who had the most profound impact on Dawson, inspiring him to integrate music into his comedy acts. Dawson's major works include numerous stand-up performances, comedy albums, and television shows. His best-known sketches often revolved around playing the piano while reciting humorous anecdotes or exchanges with his wife, Joan Sims, who frequently appeared as his straight-woman on screen. Dawson's wit and charm endeared him to generations of British audiences, earning him a place in the hearts of the nation. Unfortunately, Les Dawson passed away in 1993 due to complications from heart surgery. His contributions to British comedy continue to be celebrated, and his distinctive style remains an inspiration for comedians today.

Interpretations of Popular Quotes

"I've got a mind like a sieve - it's full of holes."

Les Dawson humorously implies that his memory is poor and forgetful, much like a sieve with numerous holes that allows things to pass through easily. This quote is a playful way of expressing the idea that he has difficulty retaining information or remembering details.

"I'm so dyslexic I once went to a beekeeping course and ended up joining the navy."

Les Dawson humorously expresses his struggle with dyslexia, a learning disorder that affects reading and writing skills, by comparing it to his inability to follow a beekeeping course (which involves working with bees) and instead ending up joining the navy (a branch of the military). This quote highlights the confusion and unintentional detours often experienced by those with dyslexia.

"My wife and I went out last night... We went to a marital aid shop. She picked out a new one, but mine had a leak in it."

This quote humorously suggests that Les Dawson's marriage has encountered issues, as they visited a "marital aid" store, which could refer to places selling relationship advice or solutions to marital problems. The implication is that his wife chose a new spouse (or solution), while his current one (him) had a problem (a leak), possibly indicating dissatisfaction or infidelity in the marriage.

"I've given up trying to reinvent the wheel, my first three attempts proved I was better off with a spade."

Les Dawson's quote humorously suggests that some tasks or problems may not require constant re-invention but instead can be improved upon with refinement or adjustment. The "wheel" in this context represents something universally known or understood, where one doesn't need to start from scratch but rather, find ways to make it better with existing tools or approaches. In other words, sometimes a good spade (a practical tool) is more beneficial than trying to create an entirely new wheel.

"I'm not saying marriage is difficult, but I'd rather be fishing."

Les Dawson's quote suggests that he finds marriage challenging or less enjoyable than his preferred pastime of fishing. It implies a strong preference for personal freedom and solitude over the sometimes complex nature of relationships and commitments that marriage entails. However, it does not necessarily mean that Dawson dislikes marriage as a concept but rather, values leisure activities and independence more.

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

- Les Dawson

Family, Mother-In-Law, Centre

In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.

- Les Dawson

Thought, Hang, Infinite, Watched

Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'

- Les Dawson

Used, Been, Mummy, Banjo

I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.

- Les Dawson

Woman, Like, South, Rum

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

- Les Dawson

Like, Birth Certificate, Certificate

I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for piles.

- Les Dawson

Idea, Pour, Toyed, Latin

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

- Les Dawson

Never, Fell, Amazed, Wishing

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

- Les Dawson

Law, Tell, Always, Traps

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

- Les Dawson

Him, Out, Chewed, Lad

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

- Les Dawson

Rain, Door, Go Home, Pouring

I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.

- Les Dawson

Law, News, Some, Cancelled

Despite the fact that feminists say they're not getting a fair deal, women are still very powerful.

- Les Dawson

Deal, Very, Still, Women Are

Slumps don't bother me.

- Les Dawson

Me, Bother, Slump

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

- Les Dawson

Love, Give, Someone, Wither

When I was a child, I had wax in my ears. Dad didn't take me to the doctor, he used me as a night light.

- Les Dawson

Night, Had, Dad, Wax

With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.

- Les Dawson

Think, Behind, Which, Bravado

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

- Les Dawson

Personal, How, Another, Analyse

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

- Les Dawson

Used, Got, Till, Nerve

The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

- Les Dawson

Work, Had, Dropped, Rig

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

- Les Dawson

Wife, Sex, She, Object

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

- Les Dawson

Horrors, Took, Madame, Sir

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

- Les Dawson

Going, Six, Punching, Neighbour

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.

- Les Dawson

Some, Pretty, Honestly, Rotten

My wife sent her photograph to the lonely hearts club. They sent it back, said they weren't that lonely.

- Les Dawson

Wife, Her, Photograph, Hearts

I know my name will always be linked with women.

- Les Dawson

Name, Will, Always, Linked

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

- Les Dawson

Marriage, Couple, Where, Institution

The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

- Les Dawson

Week, Rising, Last, Prices

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

- Les Dawson

Thought, She, Discovered, Asthma

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

- Les Dawson

Funny, Living, My Own, Furniture

The wife's run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.

- Les Dawson

Wife, Door, Next, Miss

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

- Les Dawson

She, Mother-In-Law, Passes, Throws

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.'

- Les Dawson

Week, Some, Pills, Sleeping

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

- Les Dawson

Will, One Day, Grave, Dance

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

- Les Dawson

Wrinkles, She, Looks, Mother-In-Law

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

- Les Dawson

Year, Going, Having, Mother-In-Law

When we were courting, I told my wife: 'I could live in your eyes.' She said: 'You'd be at home; there's a stye in one of them.'

- Les Dawson

Wife, Could, Them, Courting

You do something you're really quite proud of, and the public doesn't like it. Then you do something that perhaps you're not at all happy with and the public loves it. And that's the moment of truth, because it's the audience that's the final judge.

- Les Dawson

Proud, Audience, Like, Judge

I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored.

- Les Dawson

Mind, Some, Worst Thing, Ignored

Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

- Les Dawson

Audience, Horror, Making, Please

I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.

- Les Dawson

Here, Making, BBC, Allowing

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