Julie Klausner Quotes

Powerful Julie Klausner for Daily Growth

About Julie Klausner

Julie Klausner is an American comedian, writer, and podcast host, best known for her wit, sharp humor, and poignant observations on pop culture and relationships. Born on December 6, 1978, in New York City, she grew up in a Jewish household with a strong influence from both her mother, a teacher, and her father, a lawyer. Klausner's creative talents were evident early on. She attended the High School of Art and Design, where she discovered her love for theater and writing. This passion led her to study film at New York University's Tisch School of the Arts. After graduating, she worked as a writer for various television shows, including "30 Rock" and "Difficult People," which she also created and starred in. In 2010, Klausner debuted her popular podcast, "How Was Your Week?", where she discusses pop culture, current events, and her own life experiences with comedians and celebrities. The podcast has garnered a devoted following and is a testament to Klausner's ability to engage in thought-provoking and hilarious conversations. Klausner has also written two books: "I Don't Care About Your Band" (2011) and "Trying Not to Hate My Neighbor's Dog" (2016). Both books showcase her unique voice, humor, and insight into the human condition. In 2019, she published a memoir, "I'll Come for You but You Have to Make an Offer," which chronicles her struggles with mental health, relationships, and career aspirations. Throughout her career, Julie Klausner has proven herself to be a dynamic and influential voice in the world of comedy and literature. Her work continues to resonate with audiences and inspire new generations of creators.

Interpretations of Popular Quotes

"Being alive is a lot like showing up for a party right at midnight."

This quote suggests that life, much like attending a party at midnight, carries an element of mystery and excitement. It implies that we're entering the most interesting part of our experience, where the real action happens - the revelations, the connections, the unexpected events that shape us. However, it also hints at a sense of uncertainty or chaos that can come with navigating life's complexities. Overall, it encourages us to embrace the thrill and unpredictability of being alive.


"I have never been able to determine if I am more afraid of being alone or of not being in love."

This quote expresses the emotional tension between two profound human fears: solitude and unrequited love. It suggests that the speaker is uncertain whether they fear the isolation of being alone or the emotional turmoil of not finding a loving connection, possibly because both feelings evoke vulnerability and longing. It underscores the complex interplay between our need for companionship and our yearning for romantic affection.


"The universe doesn't want me to know everything."

This quote emphasizes the idea that no one can fully grasp or control all aspects of the universe, life, or knowledge. It acknowledges the inherent limitations we have as individuals, suggesting a humble acceptance of our finite understanding amidst an infinitely complex world. The universe is vast and mysterious, constantly evolving beyond our comprehension. This quote encourages us to recognize our role within this grand scheme, embrace what we can learn, and be content with the mystery that remains.


"Sometimes I think the only reason I'm still alive is because I can't figure out which door is the exit."

This quote suggests a feeling of despair or confusion in the face of life's challenges, where the speaker feels trapped, unable to find a way out or a resolution to their struggles. It implies a sense of hopelessness, yet also resilience, as they continue to move forward despite not being able to identify an escape from their current situation. It underscores the human spirit's ability to persevere even in the most difficult circumstances.


"I don't want to be an adult, I want to be a child who never grows up."

This quote expresses a desire to maintain the carefree and playful spirit of childhood throughout one's life. It suggests that adulthood often comes with responsibilities and worries that can overshadow the joy and curiosity that characterize childhood. The speaker wishes to preserve the innocence, creativity, and unrestricted exploration that are inherent in being a child while navigating the complexities of adult life.


I think Joan Rivers is such an untapped legend that people just don't appreciate, because they grew up with her on QVC, or they grew up with her on E!, or they grew up watching her do the things that in their minds the more prestigious comics wouldn't have taken or done.

- Julie Klausner

I Think, Joan, Comics, Legend

I would love to interview Michael McKean and his wife, who wrote the songs for 'A Mighty Wind,' which is my favorite Christopher Guest movie. I'm just a sucker for any funny guy that has a wife who is intelligent and that he collaborates with.

- Julie Klausner

Love, Movie, Guy, Sucker

There are good intentions behind many people's conversion to veganism, including an admirable devotion to the well-being of animals and a justified skepticism about the crap the USDA allows manufacturers to put in our food. But it's hard to ignore the often sanctimonious nature of what some nutritionists view as an 'extremist' way of eating.

- Julie Klausner

Behind, Some, About, Manufacturers

What podcasts can do in order to liven up the talk show area of TV is bring new personalities and unique worldviews into the fray in a way that's not going to be filtered through the whole Q-rating thing. I think there's a whole new layer of doing things that TV is behind the Internet in figuring out.

- Julie Klausner

Behind, Through, TV, Talk Show

I think when it comes to women who write or who fancy ourselves 'hip downtown literati', there is a certain contempt for being overly sexual or really looking for boyfriends. We tend to be marginalized as some 'Sex & The City' Carrie Bradshaw chick-lit dummies who just want shoes and a ring.

- Julie Klausner

Fancy, Some, I Think, Marginalized

Here is how you meet women: You tell the girls you are friends with - the ones in relationships - that you want a girlfriend. You shouldn't even have to say 'Set me up' or 'Introduce me!' If they're good girls, they'll get the hint.

- Julie Klausner

Good, Tell, Here, Introduce

As far as my memory being reliable, at the risk of sounding like some sort of gorgeous two-headed monster with the voices of Dave Barry and Erma Bombeck, I do think that women, like elephants, remember everything and love peanuts.

- Julie Klausner

Love, Some, Dave, Elephants

I love the 'Housewives.' I don't watch 'American Idol' or 'X Factor.' I guess I don't like network reality: I like my Bravo; I like documentary programming - I love 'Intervention' and some things on TLC more than others - but the 'Real Housewives' to me are really revolutionary, in terms of giving camera time to women of a certain age.

- Julie Klausner

Love, Some, Housewives, Bravo

If you are making money writing, you are doing great. If you can support yourself writing, you are a success. I don't care if you're writing textbooks or Pulitzer Prize-winning articles for weighty publications of world renown: If you're writing and it's paying the bills, consider yourself a successful writer.

- Julie Klausner

Doing, Renown, Textbooks, Publications

A relationship book I once read told women to use the word 'fun' whenever possible. The author claimed it had a subliminal aphrodisiac effect on men, who want a relaxed girl attached only to good times - the human equivalent of Diet Coke. This is not me.

- Julie Klausner

Book, Use, Equivalent, Aphrodisiac

I've tried open-ended jobs and found myself incredibly unhappy. I don't like the monomania of showing up every day and doing the same thing. I don't know where my next cheque is coming from, I don't know where my next job is coming from, I have really sketchy health insurance, but I need variety in my life.

- Julie Klausner

Insurance, My Life, Next, Showing Up

I didn't write my book, 'I Don't Care About Your Band,' in order to give women a brand-new set of dating rules they need to feel terrible about not abiding. I wrote my book to make the women who read it feel good about themselves, and a little more entitled to be treated well by the guys they go out with.

- Julie Klausner

Book, About, Entitled, Abide

I'm at the point, frankly, where I'd rather deal with a misogynist with a copy of Tucker Max's book in his backpack over someone in sensitive emo-boy clothing, because both are misogynists, only the one with the backpack is more honest about just how scared of women he is.

- Julie Klausner

Deal, Rather, Tucker, Backpack

When I first started on Twitter, a relative asked, 'Aren't you concerned with giving away your jokes?' I don't think of it that way. That's my content, and that's what I do.

- Julie Klausner

Think, Away, Concerned, Jokes

I look forward to the day when being called 'another Monica Lewinsky' refers to the hard work behind a master's degree in social psychology from the London School of Economics, after spending the first act of one's life deflecting the shame of a scandal that should have rested on the shoulders of a man old enough to have known better.

- Julie Klausner

Shame, Behind, Shoulders, None

I'm always excited when I make it on anyone's list - even if it's for affirmative action. My attitude is, 'Am I the token woman on this list? Because I'll take it.'

- Julie Klausner

Always, Affirmative Action, Token

I have never been one for musicians. I know girls are supposed to go crazy for frontmen who close their eyes when they sing and nod their heads when the drums kick in, but I'm like Shania Twain with that stuff: That don't impress me much. I'll take wit and brains over the ability to carry a tune any day.

- Julie Klausner

Musicians, Been, Nod, Twain

I have nothing snarky to say about Joan Rivers' appearance. We should all be that happy with how we look on camera, frankly.

- Julie Klausner

Rivers, Nothing, Joan, Camera

I think of basset hounds whenever I turn on my computer because I have photos of them. And if I'm lucky, and I see one on the street, I know it's going to be a good day. They really are like a four-leaf clover.

- Julie Klausner

Lucky, I See, I Think, Clover

Any woman I know can smell a boyfriend a mile away. Women are intuitive: they know when a guy is interested but he's not going to be there for her in that boyfriend-y way.

- Julie Klausner

Woman, Away, Going, Women Are

So, things aren't clicking with this sweet guy who keeps calling you. So what? Things like chemistry and fate and all the rest actually exist. You don't need to flip out if you're seeing a guy who's really nice to you and you're not attracted to him. It doesn't have to necessarily be because he's nice to you and you hate yourself.

- Julie Klausner

Fate, Him, Guy, Flip

The only thing that's a challenge for me is not working. I get depressed when I'm not in motion.

- Julie Klausner

Motion, Get, The Only Thing, Depressed

Babies, babies, babies! They're everywhere, aren't they? In our eyes, in our thoughts, in our arms, in our dreams. Sometimes, in our dreams, they are riding alpacas or juggling tacos - but that doesn't mean those dreams are necessarily about babies. Look, I'm not Freud.

- Julie Klausner

Thoughts, Sometimes, About, Freud

Every once in awhile you get encouragement, or you get something that isn't competitive or guilt-inducing from your peers, and it just turns a little light on. It makes it so the work that you do isn't isolating and horrible. There are people who make your life and your work better, and that's something I'm incredibly grateful for.

- Julie Klausner

Life, Peers, Your, Encouragement

Oh, yeah, I did the online dating thing. I did Nerve, I did Match. On Nerve there was this one guy who, when I asked him what he did for a living, said he 'used to be in a band.' I was like, 'That is not an occupation.'

- Julie Klausner

Living, Like, Occupation, Nerve

In all seriousness, I don't get people who need to make a proposal a bigger deal than marriage already is.

- Julie Klausner

Need, Deal, Proposal, Seriousness

Frances McDormand is my favorite actor. I don't know if that's relevant. But she's a person who plays people. In other words, not everything has to be an over-the-top Broadway musical to get my attention, but it certainly helps.

- Julie Klausner

Other, Broadway, Get, Over-The-Top

Why can't science work on making women more entitled in general? Or at least get us to listen to those L'Oreal ads that tell us how we're worth it?

- Julie Klausner

Work, Making, Entitled, Ads

The modern model of misogyny has to do with marginalizing people who are sexual and thinking of them as dumb, or not serious, or not cool or tweedy enough to take seriously, for fear of seeming like one of the guys from 'Jersey Shore.' The sex is so much more present in sexism than, I think, ever before.

- Julie Klausner

Dumb, I Think, Before, Jersey

The kind of true-life writing that is fun to read - that makes an ally of the reader - is the kind that you are so nervous about putting down on paper that you lock the Word file with a secret password and encrypt it - and all of it.

- Julie Klausner

Kind, Read, Putting, File

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