John Oliver Quotes

If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.

- John Oliver

The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.

- John Oliver

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show,' I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself.

- John Oliver

Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.

- John Oliver

There is no greater anesthetic than sport.

- John Oliver

I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.

- John Oliver

We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn't want anything to do with it.

- John Oliver

Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.

- John Oliver

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.

- John Oliver

It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.

- John Oliver

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

- John Oliver

I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas.

- John Oliver

My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.

- John Oliver

People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard.

- John Oliver

The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator.

- John Oliver

Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.

- John Oliver

Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.

- John Oliver

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.

- John Oliver

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.

- John Oliver

My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief.

- John Oliver

The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.

- John Oliver

If I wanted to take a more activist or journalistic slant in work, I should probably just go be an activist or a journalist. But I'm happy being a comedian.

- John Oliver

Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.

- John Oliver

There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.

- John Oliver

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can't hurt you anymore when you've been completely dismantled.

- John Oliver

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well.

- John Oliver

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them.

- John Oliver

I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.

- John Oliver

The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.

- John Oliver

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face. And that's really not a good instinct with a 'Daily Show' field piece, where it's supposed to be an interview.

- John Oliver

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

- John Oliver

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

- John Oliver

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

- John Oliver

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face.

- John Oliver

Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.

- John Oliver

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

- John Oliver

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

- John Oliver

My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.

- John Oliver

I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

- John Oliver

It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.

- John Oliver

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.

- John Oliver

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.

- John Oliver

As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don't have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It's like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant.

- John Oliver

I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.

- John Oliver

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. And I guess I've always liked to channel some kind of personal element to that.

- John Oliver

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.

- John Oliver

I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it.

- John Oliver

There is so much cross-pollination between the U.S. and Britain in terms of comedians. British TV comedies work well in the U.S. American stand-ups make it big in Britain.

- John Oliver

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.

- John Oliver

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

- John Oliver

If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences.

- John Oliver

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

- John Oliver

A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.

- John Oliver

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.

- John Oliver

I have occasionally - if ever I do interviews that are difficult or nerve-wracking - I take my wife's dog tags and have them in my pocket because it's a very quick way to realize that what I'm doing is not that important. It's not really worth getting stressed about because it's not, you know, war.

- John Oliver

There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.

- John Oliver

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

- John Oliver

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

- John Oliver

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

- John Oliver

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

- John Oliver

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

- John Oliver

There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers.

- John Oliver

I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead.

- John Oliver

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.

- John Oliver

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

- John Oliver

Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.

- John Oliver

Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.

- John Oliver

People are friendlier in New York than London.

- John Oliver

I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think.

- John Oliver

Most stand-ups, once they have done it, think of it as their default job. I'm pretty sure Jon Stewart still feels that way now. You are a stand-up first; other things come and go.

- John Oliver

You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'

- John Oliver

When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing.

- John Oliver

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.

- John Oliver

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

- John Oliver

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.

- John Oliver

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

- John Oliver

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

- John Oliver

I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.

- John Oliver

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

- John Oliver

I would hate to meet myself at 15.

- John Oliver

People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.

- John Oliver

It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.

- John Oliver

I feel non-stop Brit shame!

- John Oliver

I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.

- John Oliver

It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them.

- John Oliver

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.

- John Oliver

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.

- John Oliver

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

- John Oliver