Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.
- Joe E. Lewis
Saying, Genius, Right Thing, Stevenson
Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.
- Joe E. Lewis
Me, Need, Show, Pest
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.
- Joe E. Lewis
Need, Had, Looked, Table
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.
- Joe E. Lewis
Dirty, Want, Say, Scotch
I always wake up at the crack of ice.
- Joe E. Lewis
Wake Up, Always, Wake, Crack
It pays to get drunk with the best people.
- Joe E. Lewis
Best, Drunk, Get, Pays
A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
- Joe E. Lewis
Never, Holding On, Holding, Floor
Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.
- Joe E. Lewis
Money, Will, Very, Bum
I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.
- Joe E. Lewis
Bomb, Take, Would, Noise
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
- Joe E. Lewis
Diet, Very, Pills, Ate
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
- Joe E. Lewis
Remember, Still, Them, Chasing
I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.
- Joe E. Lewis
Been, Had, Given, Points
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.
- Joe E. Lewis
Money, Like, Actually, Nerves
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.
- Joe E. Lewis
Money, Buy, One Thing, Poverty
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
- Joe E. Lewis
Funny, Week, Camels, Distrust
If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.
- Joe E. Lewis
Friend, Want, Dangerous, Favor
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
- Joe E. Lewis
Feet, Show, Pants, Ground
I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.
- Joe E. Lewis
More, Next, Dean, None
I drink to forget I drink.
- Joe E. Lewis
Forget, Drink
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
- Joe E. Lewis
Money, Poor, Whether, Rich
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
- Joe E. Lewis
Love, Funny, Might, Marry
We can afford almost any mistake once.
- Joe E. Lewis
Mistake, Afford, Almost, Once
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
- Joe E. Lewis
Sports, Play, Than, Low
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