Jen Lancaster Quotes

I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the natural propensity for women is, 'Oh I want to talk to someone.' But the minute you take what bothers you outside the bond between you and your husband, you let someone else into the relationship and that causes a wedge.

- Jen Lancaster

Against, I Think, Wedge, Propensity

I could manage my life so much better if an app could tell me exactly when my parcels will be delivered so I don't spend the day under virtual house arrest.

- Jen Lancaster

My Life, Tell, Virtual, Arrest

I'm noticing a lot of the big bloggers who've posted about politics are experiencing an ugly backlash. Readers are angry because they went to the bloggers' sites for a laugh, not a lecture. Again, it's a question of being appropriate for the audience.

- Jen Lancaster

Politics, Big, Appropriate, Sites

I had been terrified of Halloween my entire adult life. Loved it as a kid, but the minute I got out of college, there were little kids at my door demanding candy, which, No. 1, I couldn't afford, and, No. 2, if I had candy, it would be mine.

- Jen Lancaster

College, Door, Been, Halloween

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated.

- Jen Lancaster

People, Real, Frustrated, Bossy

You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit.

- Jen Lancaster

Night, One Night, Martha, None

I didn't want to turn into Martha Stewart. I wanted to turn into a more organized, more gracious me. And that truly has happened.

- Jen Lancaster

Want, More, Martha, None

If forced to choose between a book and a Kindle, I'd opt for the comfort and ease of bound pages. I mean, I can't break a book if I drop it on a cement floor.

- Jen Lancaster

Drop, Ease, Break, Cement

I married a man who isn't afraid to wash a dish, scrub a toilet, or have his unibrow waxed into submission by a licensed professional.

- Jen Lancaster

Professional, Wash, Scrub, Licensed

Our citizens never hesitate to take sides against one another, whether it's Democrats versus Republicans, Coke drinkers opposed to Pepsi enthusiasts or Yankee loyalists against Red Sox aficionados.

- Jen Lancaster

Against, Republicans, Our, Pepsi

I realized I couldn't have one foot in the fiction world and one foot in the nonfiction world, which is why 'Here I Go Again' is so not me. I didn't graduate from high school in the '90s, I never listened to metal music, and I don't time travel.

- Jen Lancaster

Why, Here, Fiction, Nonfiction

The Tao of Jen was very much the Tao of hiding everything that didn't look good. The Tao of Jen is wearing a cocktail dress with underwear with holes in it. The Tao of Jen is all style and no substance.

- Jen Lancaster

Dress, Substance, Very, Holes

I'm not thin, but I'm strong - plus my balance is such that I can navigate a flight of stairs with a basket of laundry and a stack of Pottery Barn catalogs, vaulting over cat-and-dog hurdles, never once spilling my coffee.

- Jen Lancaster

Strong, Flight, Basket, Pottery

To be clear, I'm not opposed to apps; I just want them to be geared to my lifestyle. I don't need a virtual NASCAR racing app, but I'd certainly appreciate one that stopped my husband from plowing into the lawnmower every time he pulls into the garage.

- Jen Lancaster

Husband, Racing, Virtual, Plowing

When it comes to matters of pro sports, politics or palate, disparate sides claim their party, team and cola to be superior.

- Jen Lancaster

Sports, Team, Politics, Claim

When you think about a drill sergeant, a drill sergeant expects you to perform your best, and if you don't, they're going to stay on you until you do.

- Jen Lancaster

Think, Going, About, Sergeant

The iPad's all about proprietary apps that are supposed to be amazing on the bigger screen.

- Jen Lancaster

Amazing, Bigger, About, Proprietary

Here's a bit of Discovery Channel for you - apples don't last forever. They can stay fresh for a long time, especially when refrigerated, but definitely not from December into the month of March.

- Jen Lancaster

Here, Last, Channel, December

I've always been able to cook Italian food. That's in my blood because I'm half Sicilian.

- Jen Lancaster

Always, Been, Half, Sicilian

Expressing political opinion can be a powerful way to establish a character's voice when writing fiction.

- Jen Lancaster

Character, Voice, Powerful, Establish

I hesitated before buying a Kindle. I wasn't worried that the digital reader would ruin literature as we know it. Rather, my concern centered on using an electronic device in the bathtub.

- Jen Lancaster

Digital, Before, Using, Ruin

I'm doing a lot more handmade gifts. When I go to a party, I cook whatever it is I need to bring instead of just grabbing a bottle of wine.

- Jen Lancaster

Doing, More, Need, Grabbing

I just thank God my husband and I found each other before the advent of social media. I can't imagine dating someone and seeing what they're doing on their Facebook page. And people breaking up with each other over texts now? We had to break up with each other face to face back then.

- Jen Lancaster

Doing, Other, Before, Social Media

Now with social media, people essentially come into my living room, my virtual living room, and tell me everything that is wrong with me.

- Jen Lancaster

Living, Social, Virtual, Media People

The first 'Wii Fit' games I tried were the slalom and ski jumping. I believe my spectacular failures here had more to do with the board resting on thick carpet than my shoddy balance.

- Jen Lancaster

Here, Jumping, Had, Board

There's nothing fun about stuff like estate planning, getting mammograms, or talking to a guy about long term disability insurance, but do it anyway. Trust me, the stress of not having done the above is prematurely aging.

- Jen Lancaster

Trust, Insurance, Mammograms, Prematurely

I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors.

- Jen Lancaster

Always, Other, Read, Authors

I like Oprah. I could sit around and make vision boards all day, but I wouldn't actually get anything done if I were to concentrate on my feelings rather than doing.

- Jen Lancaster

Doing, Like, Rather, Concentrate

Back in early 1983, my dad was tasked with keeping unions from organizing in his company's distribution centers. His work pulled him away from home for months on end.

- Jen Lancaster

Unions, Away, Months, Centers

Remember when Japan was cool? We used to run around with 'Mr. Roboto' on our Walkmans, 'The Karate Kid' in our Betamaxes and wore T-shirts embossed with the characters for 'storm sewer' and 'dishwasher.'

- Jen Lancaster

Storm, Remember When, Japan, Dishwasher

Writing was something I always liked, but it wasn't a career until I was laid off from my executive position in my 30s. I started a website because I was bored, unemployed and angry.

- Jen Lancaster

Career, Always, Laid, Bored

As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.

- Jen Lancaster

Book, Fiction, Reader, Annoys

If I were to run for president, then people would debate the pros and cons of what's wrong with me in increasingly aggressive 140 character tweets and Facebook status updates, and, inevitably, everyone would end up fighting.

- Jen Lancaster

Fighting, Run, Increasingly, Aggressive

No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken.

- Jen Lancaster

Nature, Happy, About, Human Nature

I guess my most prized pop culture possession is a signed first edition of the book 'Fight Club' by Chuck Palahniuk.

- Jen Lancaster

Book, Possession, Signed, Prized

My friend created an iPhone app that locates Vienna Beef products across the country. Personally, I came hardwired with an internal GPS that instinctively points me toward coffee shops, cupcake stores and the perfect Chicago-style dog, so I find this technology redundant.

- Jen Lancaster

Country, Perfect, Internal, Redundant

I learned to speak Italian, somewhat. Definitely enough to get around in Italy. My grandfather always used to swear at my grandmother in Italian.

- Jen Lancaster

Grandmother, Always, Learned, Swear

Asking me to choose between a traditional book and a Kindle is like asking me which of my dogs I love most.

- Jen Lancaster

Love, Asking, Which, Kindle

I didn't understand the Kindle's true value until I finished an e-book on the beach. In sixty seconds - and without benefit of pants - I had brand-new reading material at my fingertips.

- Jen Lancaster

Understand, Sixty, Pants, Kindle

When I got laid off, I would write my friends these 15-page-long emails. This was before people had personal emails, and my friends would tell me that I was going to get them fired if I kept sending them stuff, so I started a website.

- Jen Lancaster

Tell, Before, Had, Sending

We all know exactly what we love, and woe is you if you're on the other side.

- Jen Lancaster

Love, Other, Side, Woe

For me, my party views don't advance my narrative. Until I can find a way to write political satire like my idols Christopher Buckley or P.J. O'Rourke, I'll simply say what team I play for and leave it at that.

- Jen Lancaster

Political, Play, Idols, Views

I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything.

- Jen Lancaster

Think, I Think, Very, Detail

After we were married, we were broke. Flat broke. Not only did we not have health insurance, we could barely keep a roof over our heads, let alone have the kind of coin to throw around on onesies and Pampers.

- Jen Lancaster

Insurance, Roof, Over, Heads

You know how it's almost impossible for kids to not say what they think? That's me. I have to make the conscious effort to be situationally appropriate.

- Jen Lancaster

Think, Appropriate, Almost, Conscious Effort

If I had kids, I'd probably be way over-protective, researching everything they begged to see to make sure the content was appropriate.

- Jen Lancaster

Sure, Had, Appropriate, Researching

No one wants to friend or follow covert info about Pakistan's nuclear policy.

- Jen Lancaster

Friend, Wants, About, Covert

Once I was unemployed and didn't have money, you can't just go to dinner. The onus is on you to learn to cook... I learned how important the right equipment is.

- Jen Lancaster

Learn, Cook, Learned, Dinner

I learned to glitter the pumpkins for Halloween not because I went into it thinking, 'I'm going to glitter some pumpkins!' No. I bought all of these big, cold, slimy, disgusting pumpkins and tried to carve them, and it was gross, so I had to find something else to do with them. Glitter was life-changing.

- Jen Lancaster

Big, Some, Something Else, Halloween

Beauty pageants, you're only judged once. Sorority rush, you have to go through 20 parties.

- Jen Lancaster

Beauty, Through, Once, Judged

I believe that I have such a vanilla life.

- Jen Lancaster

Believe, I Believe That, Vanilla

I believe that I have such a vanilla life. But maybe I come with a different perspective. I'm always trying to improve myself.

- Jen Lancaster

Myself, Always, Maybe, Vanilla

I think people tend to be very myopic and they don't understand how their actions impact others.

- Jen Lancaster

Think, I Think, Very, Myopic

Plaid is always cute and always will be. But only on the bottom. At the top, it makes you look like a farmer.

- Jen Lancaster

Top, Will, Always, Farmer

Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.

- Jen Lancaster

Someone, Everyone, Hang, Reads

I don't want to limit myself as a writer. Tastes change, and I want to keep my eye on the future.

- Jen Lancaster

Future, Eye, Want, Tastes

I am going to embarrass myself. I have accepted that fact, and that's just how it's going to be.

- Jen Lancaster

I Am, Fact, How, Accepted

I can clean my own house. Now, maybe a couple of times a year we have a cleaning crew come in before we have a party, but otherwise, I'm able to maintain it myself.

- Jen Lancaster

Maybe, Couple, Otherwise, Cleaning

I began writing fiction when I started running out of material in my own life.

- Jen Lancaster

Own, Fiction, My Own, Began

Unless 'Wii Fit' stops acting like a mean girl, it's over between us forever.

- Jen Lancaster

Girl, Over, Like, Stops

Writing is something that I've always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader.

- Jen Lancaster

Love, Always, Stems, Reader

Just as I got older, I think I've become more and more conservative.

- Jen Lancaster

Think, More, I Think, Conservative

Humor's an excellent way to make a point more palatable and/or relatable.

- Jen Lancaster

Humor, More, Make, Excellent

I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light.

- Jen Lancaster

Light, Myself, Always, Humor

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Powerful Jen Lancaster for Daily Growth