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Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Powerful Jeff Foxworthy for Daily Growth

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Home, Everybody, Lives, Argument

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Tub, Which, Below, In-Laws

I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Bible, Study, Been, Homeless

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

- Jeff Foxworthy

Career, I Remember, Been, Airplane

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Ring, Phone, Tractor, Great Thing

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Fishing, Go, Colleges, Guys

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Away, Nine, Weeks, Vancouver

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Goal, Redneck, May, Fireworks

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Always, IQ, Southern, Accent

When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'

- Jeff Foxworthy

Stupid, Voice, Telling, Accent

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Relationships, First Step, Unraveling

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Rest, Country, Been, Traveled

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Voice, Excited, Rooster, Barney

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Words, Song, Island, Theme Song

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Salad, Side, Set, Kool

We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Sense Of Humor, Here, About, Hey

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Life, Famous, Nothing, Prepares

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

- Jeff Foxworthy

People, New, Want, La

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Thought, Doing, Jeff, La

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Give, Hours, Everybody, E-Mail

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

- Jeff Foxworthy

World, Fair, Royalty, Craziest

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Redneck, Goes, Might, Up And Down

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Moon, Person, More, Party

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Wife, She, Been, Lately

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Effort, Bad, Analytical, Daddy

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Kind, Always, Set, White House

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Happy, Know, Nobody, Mama

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Jealousy, Year, Been, Fifth

I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Game, Never, Game Show, Officially

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

- Jeff Foxworthy

Love, Doll, Stitch, Little Girls

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