Emily V. Gordon Quotes

Stays at the in-laws' aren't inherently sexy.

- Emily V. Gordon

Awkward conversations are painful, but they're way easier than divorce, resentment, and heartbreak.

- Emily V. Gordon

Cheating is very rarely about the actual act of being with another person.

- Emily V. Gordon

If you've experienced cheating in a new marriage, the real work is not obsessively combing through all the details of what happened, but rather figuring out if your relationship is worth saving.

- Emily V. Gordon

Often, when cheating happens, we rush to place blame solely on one person - either the person who did the cheating, or more insidiously, if it happened to us, we blame ourselves for not being 'good enough' to keep them around. But putting it all on one person doesn't paint the entire picture.

- Emily V. Gordon

Divorce is one of the most destructive, emotionally traumatic experiences a human being can go through, no matter if you're the instigator or the recipient. It's hard, and it hurts, and it takes a long time to feel normal again.

- Emily V. Gordon

Marriage is not a magical potion that serves to amplify adoration, reduce deep-seated feelings of resentment, erase fears of commitment, or answer questions about whether or not this is the right move. Marriage is a ceremony that cements your current bond to another human being, and while that's a huge thing, that's all it does.

- Emily V. Gordon

Some divorcees turn their pain inward. They brood, and they grieve for a long time, always wondering if they could have done something differently to keep this from happening. They make every problem in their relationship into something they could have prevented.

- Emily V. Gordon

When I was young and less wise, I thought that being a feminist meant being independent. It meant not sacrificing your needs for anyone else's and not relying on anyone else for even a smidgen of your happiness or well being.

- Emily V. Gordon

I have a pretty intense work ethic. If something's not done, I cannot let go until I get it done.

- Emily V. Gordon

Unequivocally, individual human beings who live together will always have different standards of what a 'clean house' looks like.

- Emily V. Gordon

I haven't always been the best advocate for my own body. I was a too-tall, pudgy child who felt completely out of control of the genetic lottery ticket she'd been given, so in retaliation, I shut down. I ignored my body and hated it for not being tiny and cute like my friends' bodies.

- Emily V. Gordon

In my experience as a therapist and as a friend, it seems that the majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches.

- Emily V. Gordon

There's nothing like listening to the drone of QVC's always-bubbly pitchwomen, as they try to move loose-fitting tunics with 'just the right amount of sparkle,' to soothe you into a healing slumber.

- Emily V. Gordon

We all have an idea of how we like to be treated that we would like others to adhere to, and somehow we've gotten in our heads that the perfect person for us will just know what this code of behavior is.

- Emily V. Gordon

Things can be tough even when surrounded by nice Pottery Barn stuff.

- Emily V. Gordon

In my professional and personal life, when I meet people who feel broken after a divorce, they can usually be divided into two categories: those who truly believe there's something wrong with them, and those that are using their status as armor.

- Emily V. Gordon

I had a tightly knit group of female friends in elementary school - we called ourselves the Sensational Six.

- Emily V. Gordon

Your wedding day is supposed to be your big day, and yet a lot of engaged couples find that instead of creating an event that will be important to them, they're dodging through a minefield of modern etiquette traps.

- Emily V. Gordon

Holiday food is rich and indulgent. Going-home-to-see-family food is richer and even more indulgent.

- Emily V. Gordon

If a show is a critical success but a ratings flop, I assume that people are just championing the show because it looks cool to root for an underdog.

- Emily V. Gordon

Keeping physical items from the past is important - we keep old toys, grandparents' jewelry, yearbooks, dance recital programs - and we assign meaning to them. Those items become the memories, and that's a very healthy thing to do. The problems occur when we have too many of those sentimental items, and they start weighing us down.

- Emily V. Gordon

A lot of new stepparents fall into the trap of letting children disobey household expectations in order to gain favor with them.

- Emily V. Gordon

People get married for a wide array of reasons and have all sorts of expectations of how marriage will change the relationship. And while it's true that turning the person you're dating into a legal partner does affect certain things, those who expect marriage to be a cure-all for all your relationship woes are sorely mistaken.

- Emily V. Gordon

I am somewhat grateful to the disintegration of my marriage for teaching me a lot about myself and about relationships, and though I wish it hadn't been such a taxing lesson, I wouldn't change a thing.

- Emily V. Gordon

I grew up in a very small town in North Carolina, weird and pudgy, without too many other kids to play with. I spent a lot of time watching TV. It was my reassurance that the outside world was bigger and more colorful than the one I lived in.

- Emily V. Gordon

I'm tired of hearing about 'Damages,' I don't care how life-changing 'The Wire' is, and I don't want to hear another word about 'Battlestar Galactica' or its super-awesome ending.

- Emily V. Gordon

If you don't simply communicate with your spouse what household tasks you would like them to do, you are setting yourself up to be angry.

- Emily V. Gordon

Ghosts of Marriages Past can haunt many aspects of a new relationship - your expectations of what a man should do, how you behave in conflict, your ideas of how commitment should look - they can even make your new man look untrustworthy when he's really behaving normally.

- Emily V. Gordon

Without knowing your own history, you are doomed to repeat it.

- Emily V. Gordon

Get married wherever you like, make accommodations for the people you love so they can attend, and forget about the people who can't.

- Emily V. Gordon

A lot of people end up getting married more out of expectation than out of passion for each other, but if your options have ever been, 'We either get married or break up,' be careful. Marriage should be a new addition you add to the house that is your relationship, not the structure you impose on the house once it's already built.

- Emily V. Gordon

Hindsight is always 20/20, but I imagine a lot of married and divorced people have insights to share about how they felt during their engagement.

- Emily V. Gordon

Marriage, even a happy and successful one, can be extremely stressful, but that stress is worth it if you're marrying the best person for you.

- Emily V. Gordon

Sacrificing your relationship for your career sounds noble and romantic from the outside, but the reality is that it can create a pattern of self-destruction that will ultimately burn you out on the career you've worked so hard to build. It's a trap and, for some, an easy way out of having to maintain relationships under stress.

- Emily V. Gordon

The period that directly follows the dissolution of a long term relationship is extremely volatile, with emotions running the gamut from misery to elation to relief to terror.

- Emily V. Gordon

Everybody's got baggage, and not just the classic, 'Oh I have so much baggage,' but everyone comes with so much context, and you're not just dating a person: you're dating all their context, too. Part of relationships is negotiating each other's context.

- Emily V. Gordon

When someone insists that you watch a show that's already been on for a few seasons, they're basically saying, 'Hey, you're not doing anything for the next five weeks, are you? Because have I got a plan for you every single night! It's 'Weeds!''

- Emily V. Gordon

I remember being a teenager and feeling like I could talk to anyone anywhere about anything.

- Emily V. Gordon

I definitely think, when you're a teenager, it's more forgiving to talk to strangers and go up to people at a mall or whatever.

- Emily V. Gordon

Sometimes new spouses don't fully process the commitment they've made until after the deal is done, and then they panic.

- Emily V. Gordon

Dealing with wedding stuff is a bit of a double-edged sword - it seems that divorcees are expected to either burn it all on the front lawn, tears silently coursing down their faces, or keep the stuff, shrine-like, concealed somewhere in their homes.

- Emily V. Gordon

I'd watch shows like 'The Kids in the Hall' or 'Twin Peaks,' and I'd see weird people being celebrated and appreciated without compromising their weirdness. On 'The Facts of Life,' I'd see girls who were pudgy, beautiful, popular, tomboyish - many ways of being female - and I'd feel quietly reassured.

- Emily V. Gordon

Do remember to pick your battles when you start parenting your stepchildren.

- Emily V. Gordon

If a show is wickedly, hugely popular, like 'Mad Men,' I assume that the masses, in their infinite inferiority to me, don't know what good TV is and that everyone is just brainwashed.

- Emily V. Gordon

Your life story is a gift, and it should be treated as such.

- Emily V. Gordon

As any daytime judge show can tell you, spending someone's money or taking their stuff because they hurt your feelings is not justified.

- Emily V. Gordon

I always tell people, 'Take a class or volunteer.' It really helps you get out of your own little pocket of people you always see and gets you exposed to a new group of people.

- Emily V. Gordon

You didn't have to know anything about show business to appreciate the characters' humor, because at its heart, 'Party Down' was about following dreams, dealing with rejection, and surviving all the lame jobs we've all had to work just to get by in the meantime.

- Emily V. Gordon

As my marriage was slowly dissolving into silent meals and awkward nights of avoiding conversation, I started pondering an unmarried future and wondered if I'd ever be able to hack being single again.

- Emily V. Gordon

I have multiple tattoos.

- Emily V. Gordon

Don't sacrifice alone time with your spouse just because the kids seem needy. A united front requires adult time alone, so put it in the calendar and make it a priority. A house cannot stand on a shaky foundation.

- Emily V. Gordon

After my divorce, I took some time off from having a romantic life to begin the tough work of figuring out where I'd gone wrong and what on Earth I could do to understand how to be a whole person in a relationship.

- Emily V. Gordon

Women are encouraged to go on an emotional journey of self-care after a divorce, while men are expected to need help learning how to cook and parent on their own.

- Emily V. Gordon

I don't remember being put into the coma, but I do have a lot of weird memories from being under. This may be because I was in a coma via medicine rather than trauma. That time period played out for me as one long rambling dream where I was at a hospital to visit my boyfriend, who I thought was in an accident.

- Emily V. Gordon

Betrayal can be extremely painful, but it's up to you how much that pain damages you permanently.

- Emily V. Gordon

Sometimes we are much better at judging people based on how they treat everyone other than ourselves. We make a million excuses for why they treat us how they do.

- Emily V. Gordon

I'm a mental-health advocate big time, so I think it's great when depression is a thing that's discussed out in the open, because it's still way too stigmatized.

- Emily V. Gordon

In Hollywood, it seems that the people least successful at being married are the ones most eager to tie the knot over and over again.

- Emily V. Gordon

'The Babadook,' written and directed by a woman, is a gorgeously told female-focused story of grief, longing, loneliness, and what mourning can become.

- Emily V. Gordon

Love is a good thing.

- Emily V. Gordon

Far from 'rotting my brain,' as I was often told would happen, TV helped me feel less alone at a time when I spent so much time alone.

- Emily V. Gordon

In some cases, newlyweds want so badly for things to be perfect that they ignore warning signs, both in themselves and each other.

- Emily V. Gordon

Burlesque dancing didn't solve all my post-divorce problems, but what it did do was force me to court myself for a little while.

- Emily V. Gordon

You're not a victim of your divorce. What you decide to do with yourself and your personal life after your marriage ends is your decision, and completely under your control.

- Emily V. Gordon

Nothing makes a girl feel as unsexy as divorce.

- Emily V. Gordon

Nothing makes me feel more mushy and full of love for my husband than going back and looking at our flirtation unfolding online. I love reading our old e-mails, texts, and Gchats.

- Emily V. Gordon

Parents go to sleep early. This is universal.

- Emily V. Gordon

Post-divorce, the world can feel harsh and full of jagged edges.

- Emily V. Gordon

Men - not all men but a good majority of the ones I have known and worked with - tend to think of difficult situations in their lives as problems that need to be solved.

- Emily V. Gordon

I am fairly convinced that people plan destination weddings because they would actually like to elope but want to have given you the option to attend.

- Emily V. Gordon

In high school, I decided that all of my female friends were stupid and traded them for guy friends. I loved horror movies and heavy metal and used these interests to become a 'guys' girl.'

- Emily V. Gordon

Experiences don't make us damaged goods; it's what we do with those experiences that matters.

- Emily V. Gordon

Not deciding is a decision. People don't realize that not making a decision is a decision in itself.

- Emily V. Gordon

I thought of 'The Big Sick' as a placeholder title, to be completely honest. I've grown to love it.

- Emily V. Gordon

Balanced, passionate, grounded people are the ones whose careers are ultimately the most successful.

- Emily V. Gordon

People all want and need different emotional responses - some people like to be talked down when they're angry; some people want to be left alone.

- Emily V. Gordon

I grew up in a town where there were no Muslims whatsoever, and there was not a lot of exposure.

- Emily V. Gordon

If you've had a marriage that ended because of a betrayal in trust on your spouse's behalf, the idea of trusting another person with your heart can seem completely ridiculous.

- Emily V. Gordon

There is no level of professional rejection that can compare to almost dying.

- Emily V. Gordon

When we each focus on being the dominant force in our own universe rather than invading other universes, we all win.

- Emily V. Gordon

Being completely independent doesn't make you a strong woman - it's being strong enough to trust yourself in other people's hands that takes guts.

- Emily V. Gordon

Never marry because it seems like what you should do.

- Emily V. Gordon

No matter how you handle alcohol at your wedding, you will most likely be upsetting someone.

- Emily V. Gordon

Marriage will not change your spouse. It will not make him or her more mature, more loyal to you, or better at housework.

- Emily V. Gordon

It's easy to isolate yourself when you're buried in work, or to rely only on work friends for empathy. And while your work friends will always 'get it' more than your life partner, they don't know how to comfort you like your partner does.

- Emily V. Gordon

I think it's always good to get into your partner's mindset.

- Emily V. Gordon

For so long, TV consisted of a limited number of shows a year, and those shows had to appeal to as many people as possible. The joy of TV now is that shows don't have to be broad anymore - they can be small, weird, and niche.

- Emily V. Gordon

Marriage, or any committed partnership, has become sacred to me, powerful and fragile all at the same time.

- Emily V. Gordon

Sometimes we put so much effort into things we're doing, like dating or wedding planning, that we don't stop to think about whether or not we even want the results of that effort.

- Emily V. Gordon

I think it's lovely when people are more involved in local politics.

- Emily V. Gordon

Don't expect yourself to immediately love your stepchildren. In fact, you may hate them for a bit.

- Emily V. Gordon

The benefits of a healthy, thriving relationship may not be nearly as exciting as watching your career take off, but both aspects of your life are equally important.

- Emily V. Gordon

It's absolutely amazing to me that anyone allowed their children to watch 'The Ren & Stimpy Show' in the '90s; it's dark, gross, nihilistic, and absolutely bizarre.

- Emily V. Gordon

Women compete, compare, undermine, and undercut one another - at least, that is the prevailing notion of how we interact.

- Emily V. Gordon

I'm not an actress. I'm a writer.

- Emily V. Gordon

Marriage isn't just about two people who fit together well. It's about two people who figure out how to fit together well.

- Emily V. Gordon