Dick Cavett Quotes

History is not reassuring on the subject of the longevity of seemingly lasting great nations, is it?

- Dick Cavett

Seemingly, Great Nations, Reassuring

I feel sorry for the poor kids whose parents feel they're qualified to teach them at home. Of course, some parents are smarter than some teachers, but in the main I see home-schooling as misguided foolishness.

- Dick Cavett

Feel, Some, I See, Qualified

Greatly talented performers don't know - often spectacularly - what's best for them, don't know what their talents really are, and don't know what's just plain wrong for them.

- Dick Cavett

Best, Often, Them, Performers

Statistically, I'd say comedy writers are perhaps the sanest category of show people. And why not? They make big money, and although it's not an easy trade - particularly when you're at your galley oar five days a week - it's easier on the nerves and the psyche than living with the brain-squeezing pressure and cares of being the Star.

- Dick Cavett

Week, Big, Big Money, Psyche

Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.

- Dick Cavett

Guns, Some, Going, Sites

Radio, which was a much better medium than television will ever be, was easy and pleasant to listen to. Your mind filled automatically with images.

- Dick Cavett

Mind, Which, Images, Automatically

I would not ever try to be a show intellectual, which I was accused of doing a while on ABC. I thought you were supposed to read the guests' books.

- Dick Cavett

Doing, Which, ABC, Guests

I like when the ice gets thin, the going gets rough, the guests get edgy.

- Dick Cavett

Like, Going, Rough, Guests

My dream was maybe someday, one night I can be a guest on a talk show, and then I will have achieved everything I want.

- Dick Cavett

Will, Maybe, One Night, Talk Show

I guess the best advice I ever got or anyone could get for doing a talk show, though it has not been easy very often, was from Jack Paar, who said, 'Kid, don't make it an interview. Interviews have clipboards, and you're like David Frost. Make it a conversation.'

- Dick Cavett

Doing, Been, Very, Talk Show

I'm the only talk show host, I think, if there's such a category in, what's called, the book of records, to have a guest die while we were taping the show, yeah.

- Dick Cavett

Die, Think, Talk Show Host, Talk Show

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

- Dick Cavett

Mistake, Doing, Read, Talk Show

Every so often, there is an article saying the old kind of talk show isn't possible now. In the oldest kind of talk show, you only had the choice of that or two other channels!

- Dick Cavett

Kind, Old, Other, Talk Show

The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show... Cops would come by - often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.

- Dick Cavett

Cops, Nixon, Administration, Nasty

Commercials are not the only exposure that obesity gets on TV. It is by no means a rarity on the wonderful Judge Judy's show when both plaintiff and accused all but literally fill the screen.

- Dick Cavett

TV, Means, Literally, Judy

All three of my parents - I also had a stepmother - were teachers, and my dad taught high school, and as he always reminded me when I was going to spend some money on something, 'Your mother and I, in the Depression, had to decide whether to spend a dime on a loaf of bread or if we could go to a movie with it.'

- Dick Cavett

Some, Movie, Dad, Dime

Japanese is sort of a hobby of mine, and I can get around Japan with ease.

- Dick Cavett

Ease, Japanese, Mine, Hobby

I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-'60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn't the night before.

- Dick Cavett

Still, Gaining, Thus, Johnny

Why are people afraid of ghosts? 'Ooh, no, I wouldn't want to see one! I'd be too scared' - accompanied by a tremolo of fear in the voice - is the common reaction. This puzzles me. I'd think anyone would welcome he opportunity. I've never heard of a ghost hurting anybody.

- Dick Cavett

Voice, Why, Anybody, Puzzles

The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He always had good, strong jokes, that faultless delivery, and always a new joke about his own films' failure - once again - to be honored.

- Dick Cavett

Strong, Own, Very, Pulse

When I was a kid in Nebraska, a cantankerous farmer, known for plinking with his '22 at passing cars in which he perceived enemies, ingeniously rigged up a shotgun in his house, trained on the inside of his front door so as to widely distribute any intruder.

- Dick Cavett

Door, Kid, Trained, Shotgun

Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it's hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.

- Dick Cavett

Sometimes, Need, Egos, Resentful

I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

- Dick Cavett

House, Always, Wanted, Haunted

Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy.

- Dick Cavett

Comedy, One Day, Like, Farce

You have to be on TV a surprisingly long time before you're stopped on the street. Then, when you are, you get a lot of, 'Hey, you're great! What's your name again?'

- Dick Cavett

Before, TV, Stopped, Surprisingly

The authority of depression is horrifying. I felt like my brain was busted and that I could never feel good again. I really thought that I was never gonna heal.

- Dick Cavett

Thought, Like, Could, Heal

I'm not sure why writing for others became harder. Probably a reluctance to give away anything you might conceivably use yourself caused a block. I did it, but it remained hard when it had once been easy.

- Dick Cavett

Away, Been, Became, Block

The sudden death at 51 of James Gandolfini is intolerable.

- Dick Cavett

Death, Sudden, James, Intolerable

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

- Dick Cavett

Will, Crap, Profitable, Dispense

It's fun for me to go on other folks' talk shows. When you've endured the ups and downs and tensions and pitfalls of hosting, being a guest is a piece of angel food.

- Dick Cavett

Ups And Downs, Other, Downs, Ups

I live a sensible life. You know, I don't take on too much.

- Dick Cavett

Know, Take, Too, Sensible

Do freshman philosophy classes nowadays debate updated versions of the age-old questions? Like, how could a merciful God allow AIDS, childhood cancers, tsunamis and Dick Cheney?

- Dick Cavett

Childhood, Like, Allow, Cheney

In the main, ghosts are said to be forlorn and generally miserable, if not downright depressed. The jolly ghost is rare.

- Dick Cavett

Miserable, Main, Generally, Downright

It was well after college that I learned about depression. I got my first job for Jack Paar. I realized I was sleeping 14 hours a day and just living for the Paar show.

- Dick Cavett

College, Living, Hours, Jack

Every comic can report a few 'gift from the gods' moments.

- Dick Cavett

Gift, Moments, Gods, Report

If you have a relative who's lost interest in everything and doesn't get out of bed, who doesn't care for things they used to, can't imagine anything that would give them any pleasure, don't fool around with it; get therapy, get help, get medication if that's right for you, or talk therapy, or something.

- Dick Cavett

Bed, Used, Around, Medication

I have never been converted to or even had much interest in spiritualism, occultism, Swedenborgianism or any particular religion. And I never, except occasionally for a laugh, visit the quacks who call themselves psychics.

- Dick Cavett

Been, Had, Particular, Spiritualism

It's a tribute to the human brain that anyone is able to function out there on television in a talk situation that is entirely artificial.

- Dick Cavett

Brain, Television, Entirely, Human Brain

If I were running a campaign, I'd urge taking the mountain of money reportedly squandered on pizza, coffee and bagels and spending it more wisely - on a talented young comedy writer.

- Dick Cavett

Comedy, Young, More, Wisely

Depression - it falls into that small category of things like combat that, if you haven't been in it, you can say you can imagine it all you like. But it's truly different.

- Dick Cavett

Small, Been, Imagine, Category

I'm sure I've all but lost friends by maintaining that, despite their love for it, I always saw Stanley Kramer's 'It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World' as more of an exercise in anti-comedy than humor.

- Dick Cavett

Love, Always, Sure, Maintaining

Anyone working in the media can tell you that there seems to be an always-ready-to-explode segment of the populace for whom offense is a fate worse than anything imaginable. You'd think offense is one of the most calamitous things that could happen to a human being; right up there with the loss of a limb, or just missing a parking space.

- Dick Cavett

Fate, Parking, Populace, Segment

There were several things a Yale freshman was supposed to be able to do. You had to demonstrate in the Olympic-size Yale pool that you could swim 50 yards or be inducted into swimming class.

- Dick Cavett

Pool, Could, Several, Yale

Every time someone says, 'You know, we really ought to get together,' if I were really honest, I would ask 'Why?'

- Dick Cavett

Get Together, Why, Really, Every Time

Every time I nostalgically try to regain my liking of John McCain, he reaches into his sleaze bag and pulls out something malodorous.

- Dick Cavett

Bag, Something, John McCain, Every Time

Chris Matthews can't start any sentence without 'Let me ask you this... ' And I love Chris Matthews! But almost everybody in journalism does it. Who's stopping you? Just say it!

- Dick Cavett

Love, Sentence, Everybody, Journalism

Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.

- Dick Cavett

Student, See, Twice, Dame

Every writer knows that unless you were born gifted with either supreme confidence or outsize ego, handing in your work holds, in some cases, admitted terror. If that's too strong, at least fairly high anxiety.

- Dick Cavett

Strong, Some, Least, Handing

I hate Danny Kaye movies.

- Dick Cavett

Hate, Movies, Danny

Great humorists are great insulters.

- Dick Cavett

Great, Humorists

I find most 'sacred music' pretty dismal.

- Dick Cavett

Music, Pretty, Most, Dismal

Home schooling as an idea is on a par with home dentistry.

- Dick Cavett

Idea, Par, Dentistry, Home Schooling

Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the man handling it knows what he is doing.

- Dick Cavett

Finance, Treat, Doing, Dentistry

Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the people who handle it know what they are doing.

- Dick Cavett

Treat, Doing, Like, Dentistry

Being the offspring of English teachers is a mixed blessing. When the film star says to you, on the air, 'It was a perfect script for she and I,' inside your head you hear, in the sarcastic voice of your late father, 'Perfect for she, eh? And perfect for I, also?'

- Dick Cavett

Voice, Perfect, Offspring, Blessing

It was at a vividly bad time in Norman Mailer's life that I met him, and a sort of water-treading time in mine. He had stabbed his wife, and I was a copy boy at Time magazine.

- Dick Cavett

Bad, Mine, Bad Time, Norman

Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn't ailing.

- Dick Cavett

Never, Dislike, Devices, Electronic

There are online forms you can fill out to send to your lawmakers, demanding that nothing - nothing at all or in any way - be done about any guns whatever, anywhere.

- Dick Cavett

Nothing, Guns, About, Forms

William F. Buckley was a man who had a great capacity for fun and for amusing himself by amazing others.

- Dick Cavett

Great, Capacity, Had, Amusing

The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I'm not aware of any scholarly, scientific or neurological studies on the subject.

- Dick Cavett

Process, Before, Subject, Scholarly

In relative youth, we assume we'll remember everything. Someone should urge the young to think otherwise.

- Dick Cavett

Remember, Think, Otherwise, Assume

It's no fun being a specimen.

- Dick Cavett

Fun, Being, Specimen, No Fun

Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.

- Dick Cavett

Thought, Sloppy, Leads, Legislation

To call New York's traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.

- Dick Cavett

New, Call, York, Traffic

I had to fight the intellectual label when I started in television, because, first of all, it's not going to help you commercially, and also, it wasn't particularly true of me. I mean, if anybody thought I was an intellectual, they probably had never really seen one.

- Dick Cavett

Thought, Anybody, Had, First Of All

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

- Dick Cavett

Somewhere, IQ, Albert, Einstein

A conversation does not have to be scintillating in order to be memorable. I once met a president of the United States, and his second sentence to me was about knees.

- Dick Cavett

Sentence, United States, Conversation

Years have passed since I have set foot in a comedy club. If the comic is doing badly it's painful, and if the comic is doing brilliantly, it's extremely painful.

- Dick Cavett

Doing, Set, Badly, Comedy Club

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

- Dick Cavett

Mind, Dirty, Four-Letter, Feeds

I am always shocked that there are still a handful of defenders of the dubious practice of abstinence, surely the worst idea since chocolate-covered ants.

- Dick Cavett

Always, Ants, Surely, Dubious

You would have to be naive to think you can appear on television and not have the material edited in some way.

- Dick Cavett

Think, Some, Appear, Naive

I'll be happy if I can just stay out of Nebraska.

- Dick Cavett

Happy, Be Happy, Just, Nebraska

Therapists need to give a depressed patient support and direction.

- Dick Cavett

Give, Patient, Need, Depressed

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

- Dick Cavett

Burn, Want, Always, Microscopic

I'm not the guy with the enormous comedy nose or the big feet or the bad posture or the whatever; a physical comic has certain things.

- Dick Cavett

Feet, Big, Nose, Posture

I have a feeling that about 90% of my life has been shaped by my voice, both as an embarrassment and as an advantage. There was always the terrible incongruity of this deep voice barreling out of this little body. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware that it was ludicrous, that it took on an importance that wasn't really there.

- Dick Cavett

Voice, My Life, Been, Terrible

Coming up through the ranks of any calling can be rough, but that battered soul who survives the early years of courting the comic muse comes close to knowing what only the soldier knows: What combat is like.

- Dick Cavett

Soul, Through, Rough, Early Years

I confess, I do have to remind myself almost daily that there are people on this earth capable of reading, writing, eating and dressing themselves who believe their lives are ruled from billions of miles away, by the stars - and, of course, the planets.

- Dick Cavett

Capable, Away, Almost, Planets

There is something about a Luger that separates it from all other handguns, and Luger devotees and Luger society members speak of it in romantic terms that must sound plain nuts to those who consider themselves level-headed.

- Dick Cavett

Sound, Other, About, Separates

Does anything show the complexity of the miraculous brain more than that weird curiosity, the sleep-protection dream?

- Dick Cavett

Curiosity, Weird, Complexity, Miraculous

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

- Dick Cavett

Want, Person, Rare, Hear

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

- Dick Cavett

Children, Never, Will, Chances

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

- Dick Cavett

Chance, Never, Either, Chances

By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.

- Dick Cavett

Phone, Like, By The Time, Fourth

It takes a certain amount of guts to go to your class reunions.

- Dick Cavett

Go, Your, Amount, Class

While other kids were out playing and doing healthy things, I read an ancient judo book with a neck hold that was fatal to so many people, they finally dropped it from judo.

- Dick Cavett

Book, Doing, Other, So Many People

I think we live in an age of increasing mediocrity.

- Dick Cavett

Think, Mediocrity, I Think, Increasing

I'm not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn't really bother me.

- Dick Cavett

Show, Bother, Subject, Joke

I haven't ever found any great writing on that wonderful and often unappreciated art form, the insult.

- Dick Cavett

Art, Wonderful, Often, Insult

I love my own coincidences and love to hear other peoples' stories.

- Dick Cavett

Love, Other, I Love, Coincidences

Anything seen on TV is, in a subtle and sinister sense, thereby endorsed.

- Dick Cavett

Subtle, Sinister, TV, Thereby

I've actually gotten so I don't associate television with entertainment very much.

- Dick Cavett

Very, Actually, Gotten, Associate

Teaching is an art and a profession requiring years of training.

- Dick Cavett

Art, Profession, Teaching, Requiring

I felt bad when George Bush was booed. But only briefly. My sympathy for that man has a half-life of about four seconds.

- Dick Cavett

Bad, Bush, Felt, Seconds

I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.

- Dick Cavett

People, Kick, Get, Saying

To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.

- Dick Cavett

Funny, Me, Misunderstanding, Label

I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn't include someone the size of the Hindenburg.

- Dick Cavett

Comedy, Include, Comics, Standup

Perhaps the saddest irony of depression is that suicide happens when the patient gets a little better and can again function sufficiently.

- Dick Cavett

Suicide, Again, Sufficiently, Saddest

The greatest benefit of depression is the fact that when I have talked about it, every so often someone comes up and says, 'You saved my dad's life.'

- Dick Cavett

Fact, Saved, Dad, Depression

Meryl Streep belongs on anybody's list of greats.

- Dick Cavett

Anybody, Meryl, Belongs, Greats

Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

- Dick Cavett

Rat, Line, Considered, Column

I have a disturbing problem with losing things. My vulnerability to loss-distress could properly be labeled not only inordinate, but neurotic.

- Dick Cavett

Could, Labeled, Neurotic, Disturbing

Unpleasant reading on the subject of anger tells us that there's not really anything wrong with it. In limited amounts. It can even be a good thing. A pressure valve.

- Dick Cavett

Limited, A Good Thing, Good Thing

It's lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It's lamentable that they get more from them than from the news.

- Dick Cavett

News, More, Them, Jon

Can you picture yourself at the age 60 doing what you do now?

- Dick Cavett

Yourself, Doing, Now, Picture

I feel like I've been watching Irwin Corey forever. I saw him in the 1950s, and I thought he was old then.

- Dick Cavett

Thought, Like, Been, 1950s

I know what it feels like to be a gun lover.

- Dick Cavett

Gun, Like, Feels, Lover

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

- Dick Cavett

Young, Old, Like, Young Man

A grown man, weeping, is a tough thing to see.

- Dick Cavett

See, Grown, Tough Thing, Weeping

When I'm doing an appearance somewhere and taking questions from the audience, I can always count on: 'Tell about the guy who died on your show!'

- Dick Cavett

Doing, Audience, Always, Somewhere

I have a long list of things that make me mad.

- Dick Cavett

Me, Mad, Things, List

The trick to writing for people is, you have to be able to turn them on in your head. And know how they'd word something or how they'd inflect it.

- Dick Cavett

Turn, Them, Your, Trick

The emotions in all true anxiety dreams are next to unbearable.

- Dick Cavett

Anxiety, Emotions, Next, Unbearable

I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.

- Dick Cavett

Surprise, Think, Over, Reaction

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

- Dick Cavett

See, Glass, Half, I See

Lawyers work hard and, like us, they're human, many of them.

- Dick Cavett

Work, Work Hard, Like, Lawyers

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

- Dick Cavett

Television, Streets, Does, Comedy

It's not always easy to identify your own voice. It comes with time.

- Dick Cavett

Voice, Own, Always, Identify

Music bypasses the brain and goes straight to the heart. I wish my life had more of it.

- Dick Cavett

My Life, Goes, I Wish, Brain

I'm not all that enthralled by show business, and I'm not that much of a highbrow.

- Dick Cavett

Business, Show, Highbrow

If you're searching for quotes on a different topic, feel free to browse our Topics page or explore a diverse collection of quotes from various Authors to find inspiration.

Powerful Dick Cavett for Daily Growth