Denis Leary Quotes

I've always had a thing for Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry in tight leather pants, with the boots - I'm pretty good with either one.

- Denis Leary

If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now.

- Denis Leary

The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal.

- Denis Leary

I don't want to see a 'Sopranos' movie. This is just me. I like to think the end is where it was on TV as opposed to becoming a movie.

- Denis Leary

My cousin Jerry Lucey and five other firefighters died in a warehouse fire in Worcester, Mass. - my hometown - right in the middle of our old neighborhood downtown when a homeless couple started a fire to keep warm and the entire building went up. My cousin died trying to save homeless people who had already left the building.

- Denis Leary

If I'm president, there are going to be government vans that drive around and pick up people who shouldn't be wearing certain clothing. Talk about lack of civil rights - I'm sorry, I'm pulling you right off the street, and we're giving you clothes that you're going to be O.K. in.

- Denis Leary

Temptation's something you have to deal with even if you're not famous. It's harder when you're famous because it's a lot more in your face, and that makes it a little more difficult to walk away from sometimes.

- Denis Leary

There are some guys I know for a fact, like Louis C.K., who always talk about how not-great of an actor he is, and he's terrific on his show. But I know Louis would play a fantastic dramatic role in something, too. He just needs somebody to grab him and say, 'Come in here and do this.'

- Denis Leary

I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album.

- Denis Leary

I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy.

- Denis Leary

The biggest battle for a lot of people who come out of the theater, which is where I was trained, is that they can never forget that a camera is pointed at them.

- Denis Leary

I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.'

- Denis Leary

I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it.

- Denis Leary

My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen.

- Denis Leary

No matter what anybody says, relationships are based on physical attraction. The first time I saw my wife, it was pure animal whatever.

- Denis Leary

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

- Denis Leary

I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

- Denis Leary

Anthony Mackie in 'The Hurt Locker' is everything an actor can hope to be. So rock steady in his portrayal that you immediately forget every performance he may have previously given, and focus only on the character in front of you.

- Denis Leary

It would be great if firefighters across the country had the guarantee that they would be making enough money to support their family right from the get-go, but that's not the case.

- Denis Leary

I think it's a shame when you come across young actors and musicians who haven't had the time to learn their craft. It doesn't matter if it's acting or music; you really have to learn how to do it from the bottom up because unless you have a great work ethic... fame is a terrible thing to have.

- Denis Leary

Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate.

- Denis Leary

I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture.

- Denis Leary

I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right?

- Denis Leary

Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads.

- Denis Leary

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

- Denis Leary

If you want a long-term relationship that doesn't require a lot of work, I say, get a dog. They love you no matter what. But when it comes to humans, there's no secret; you really have to appreciate the person every single day.

- Denis Leary

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

- Denis Leary

I'd love to do another television series. I really love the writing process, and as an actor I really like how much you get to examine in television.

- Denis Leary

I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries.

- Denis Leary

Kids are incredibly expensive. But it pays off later when they are better educated, bigger, and better-looking than you. And find you incessantly boring and uncool.

- Denis Leary

How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean.

- Denis Leary

I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen.

- Denis Leary

I'm born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while.

- Denis Leary

First of all, I have to have trucks because I live most of my time on a horse farm, so I've gotta have trucks. It's in the northeast; I've got to have pickup trucks to move snow, number one. Number two, just if I'm driving, I don't have to have an SUV, but I want a big car.

- Denis Leary

My nieces and my nephews think the only thing that I do is 'Ice Age.' That's fine with me because pretty soon they'll grow up enough to realize that I suck or that my time has passed, whichever it might be.

- Denis Leary

I fell asleep during 'Year One' twice. And my son, who never falls asleep during a Jack Black movie, also nodded off. That's how bad it was. I was incredibly disappointed.

- Denis Leary

We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!

- Denis Leary

I think all priests should be married.

- Denis Leary

Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us.

- Denis Leary

Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it.

- Denis Leary

Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it. So I don't think I could successfully pull off being on a project like that without really losing my mind.

- Denis Leary

I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy.

- Denis Leary

I went to see the 'Spider-Man' movies because my wife is a fan, and so are my kids.

- Denis Leary

I guess you get pigeon-holed in Hollywood, but I'm ok with that because I've been able to do a lot. I started in the theater, then I went to stand-up comedy, and then when I went into the movies to do comedy and drama and big movies and small movies.

- Denis Leary

Sometimes 'great acting' is just showing off - chewing up scenery and dialogue and other actors - the equivalent of a theatrical sugar rush.

- Denis Leary

Most of the women placed in the fire department here in New York never passed the physical test. And a fat guy or a short guy, or anybody not passing the test in a life-or-death job, leads to friction.

- Denis Leary

My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave.

- Denis Leary

There's not going to be a 'Rescue Me' movie. Not a chance.

- Denis Leary

For us as writers, it's really important to have songs we believe in - even before sometimes we shoot a scene. If we have a song that's so perfectly designed for a scene on 'Rescue Me,' we'll play it on loud speakers during the shooting. It helps the cameraman and it helps the director, and it helps the actors know what the feel is.

- Denis Leary

Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it.

- Denis Leary

No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about.

- Denis Leary

Everyone's got skeletons in their closet, and I've got a million in mine, believe me. I tested the envelope; I pushed it. Whenever somebody in authority told me not to do something, I did it just to find out why they said not to do it.

- Denis Leary

It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.'

- Denis Leary

If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is.

- Denis Leary

When I was a teenager, you couldn't get straight pants. Then in '76, when punk started to hit, it was a revelation that you could find straight pants again.

- Denis Leary

I think we're going to carry the 'Ice Age's up to 'Ice Age 15,' which means basically they'll be in the present decade.

- Denis Leary

My career plan at this point is 'Ice Age 5' through '10,' and even '12,' and 'Spider Man' - you know, basically I'd be Emma Stone's dad for the rest of my career. I really don't have any problem doing that.

- Denis Leary

I'm praying for 'Ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Because I really think we can run those characters into the '60s, and I'm talking the 1960s, you know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's what I'm praying for, because then I wouldn't have to do anything else.

- Denis Leary

The thing with movies is, because you have so little time, I always feel like there are more things we could've done with the character. If we'd done a sequel to 'The Thomas Crown Affair,' what would that have been like? But for the most part, you try not to think of that, because it's just going to break your heart.

- Denis Leary

The Social Wishlist on Facebook is a great example of everything right about social media.

- Denis Leary

Technology is changing, so the viewership is getting broken up. My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.'

- Denis Leary

My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' So it's harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows.

- Denis Leary

My charity is in the business of helping firefighters in any way that we can. For instance, after 9/11 we were the second-fastest charity to raise and distribute money to the widows and surviving family members of the 343 firefighters who died that day.

- Denis Leary

I'm still pretty self-centered, greedy and angry.

- Denis Leary

I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area.

- Denis Leary

If you had no enemies, you had no fun.

- Denis Leary

I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me.

- Denis Leary

With any actor, if you know your character well enough, you'll know pretty much what he would say under any circumstance, or whatever situation might rear its head.

- Denis Leary

Vacuuming is great. I do the laundry. I love washing machines. I'm the maid in my house.

- Denis Leary

In addition to my cousin, there were 30 or 40 guys I grew up with who became firefighters as well. So, I've been around firefighters all my life.

- Denis Leary

Wolfhounds helped kill off the wolves in Ireland.

- Denis Leary

One of those things that I like about TV is that if you get a group of people you like, you can work with these people for months at a time, and you can discover their strengths and weaknesses, and you can use those in the direction where you take the characters.

- Denis Leary

In my experience in series TV, if you have a good crew and a great cast, it's going to be a great group - similar to the theater where it's a bunch of people who are really talented and go to work each day and challenge each other, and if you are lucky enough to get a hit then it's five or six or seven years of this kind of work.

- Denis Leary

Kathy Bates is sexy. It's partly because of her talent, but she's got a great face, and a great laugh.

- Denis Leary

I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh. It's almost too funny to get an award.

- Denis Leary

I remember 9/11; we had 'Comics Come Home' about a month after those events. That night, even the comedians were concerned. Would the audience be ready to laugh? It was a release for everyone.

- Denis Leary

I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh.

- Denis Leary

Good actors, especially when they know their character, will come in and either tell you in advance that they have an idea, or in the middle of the rehearsal or the scene they'll let it loose and you go, 'Ah that's great.'

- Denis Leary

Once you have a firefighter in your family, your family and the families from his crew become one big extended family.

- Denis Leary

I basically - I don't like tattoos, unless you're a firefighter who has a tattoo that has to do with that or a military guy. That's - those are people who should have tattoos.

- Denis Leary

Certain movies like 'Wag The Dog,' we used improv on every scene that we did. Pretty much, we would shoot from the script and then some stuff that we came up with in rehearsal, and then we'd have at least one or two takes where we completely went off the script and just flew by the seat of our pants.

- Denis Leary

Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter.

- Denis Leary

You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is.

- Denis Leary

The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work.

- Denis Leary

George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.

- Denis Leary

I'm a lapsed Catholic in the best sense of the word.

- Denis Leary

I think daycare is great for people who have to work two jobs. My problem is with people who are dropping kids off at daycare because they want to go out and spend the day golfing or getting their nails done. You know what I mean? That's not why they invented daycare.

- Denis Leary

Having dealt with a lot of real firefighters, I know there are a lot of guys who, for lack of a better term, become addicted to the grief because it has kept them connected to these guys that they felt responsible for having lost.

- Denis Leary

I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy.

- Denis Leary

I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid. But, yeah, it's not identifying, I think it's more a part of my natural DNA that I question anybody who has a plan. Everybody's got to have an angle; that's the way I grew up.

- Denis Leary

People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes!

- Denis Leary

I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.'

- Denis Leary

If you do good work, it tends to stick around. People still come up to me and say, 'The Ref' is my favorite Christmas movie.'

- Denis Leary

I know gay - gay people who aren't married who are better parents than some, you know, straight people I know who are married.

- Denis Leary

What firefighters and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do; basically these people say, 'I'm going to protect all these strangers.'

- Denis Leary

I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory.

- Denis Leary

There's no way around it - drama is very difficult to shoot. It's very heavy and something that you carry with you for the course of the day.

- Denis Leary

Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer.

- Denis Leary

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

- Denis Leary

Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America.

- Denis Leary

I'd love to play in a Red Sox game. It would be so awesome to actually walk out on the field and play, just for one inning. I'd also steal everything I could get my hands on in the clubhouse, which is why they won't let me do it.

- Denis Leary

The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I'm not just saying it, in my opinion are Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago.

- Denis Leary

My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don't think he ever missed a hockey game I was in.

- Denis Leary

I have a lot of conservative views on a lot of things.

- Denis Leary

I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time.

- Denis Leary

The best thing about series TV is that everyone you work with is hand-picked, as compared to working on a film.

- Denis Leary

I'm a pretty boring guy. Compared to Ashton Kutcher, I live a really boring existence.

- Denis Leary

I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice.

- Denis Leary

I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better.

- Denis Leary

I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?

- Denis Leary

My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York.

- Denis Leary

My only worry about tweeting and modern technology is how it has crept into even the darkest corners of the absolute global village we live in.

- Denis Leary

I learned a long time ago, if you want to keep your friends in show business, don't get famous. Because as soon as you get famous, a lot of the people you used to know, who didn't, become incredibly bitter and jealous. It's part of the territory.

- Denis Leary

I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles.

- Denis Leary

When I go to Batman movies, I always think, 'Man, I would like to be a bad guy in a Batman movie.' especially as they got darker when they go to the Christian Bale era.

- Denis Leary

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

- Denis Leary

I really want to do a western film. It's one of my favorite movie genres of all time.

- Denis Leary

Some people expect me to be funny all the time, and I'm not necessarily funny all the time.

- Denis Leary

Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used.

- Denis Leary

One thing that's great about firefighters: If they don't have the equipment they desperately need, they don't have the help, they don't care. They'll do it on their own.

- Denis Leary

When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.'

- Denis Leary

I really like 'Batman.' Not the TV show, but the dark 'Batman.'

- Denis Leary

I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going, like, 'I think Jesus is all right.' The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens.

- Denis Leary

I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention.

- Denis Leary

Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do.

- Denis Leary

When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me.

- Denis Leary

Usually when you watch a film, you're just sort of biting your nails about things you could have done differently.

- Denis Leary

I've been nominated for Emmys and Golden Globes, but I've never won one and I probably never will.

- Denis Leary

Every actor thinks he can do comedy, and it's not true.

- Denis Leary

Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish.

- Denis Leary

I can't text. My fingers are too big.

- Denis Leary

I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate.

- Denis Leary

I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God.

- Denis Leary

I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan.

- Denis Leary

My brother and I tortured my mother growing up.

- Denis Leary

What's politically correct a lot of times is not funny.

- Denis Leary

Firefighters don't go on strike.

- Denis Leary

You can have good writing, but a great actor will make it feel and sound like great writing. You can have great writing, and mediocre actors will make it feel mediocre. Without the actors, you have nothing.

- Denis Leary

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

- Denis Leary

I studied acting in school and then, of course, couldn't get an acting job.

- Denis Leary

There's no male Oprah.

- Denis Leary

I spent a long time working in the movies to figure out that kind of acting and also how to write and produce for the screen.

- Denis Leary

Hockey's my favorite sport.

- Denis Leary

I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff.

- Denis Leary

If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while.

- Denis Leary

I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid.

- Denis Leary

Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring.

- Denis Leary

I actually like talking.

- Denis Leary

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

- Denis Leary