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David Sedaris Quotes

Powerful David Sedaris for Daily Growth

When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.

- David Sedaris

Think, I Think, Sign, Amateur

It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'

- David Sedaris

Birthday, Two, Your, Leg

People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.

- David Sedaris

Shame, Country, Ubiquitous, Foreign

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

- David Sedaris

Right, Like, About, Reserve

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.

- David Sedaris

Never, Reporter, Pretended, Humorist

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.

- David Sedaris

News, Big, Big News, Humorist

I think it's important to take chances.

- David Sedaris

Think, Important, Take, Chances

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.

- David Sedaris

Been, Use, Invaluable, Whining

After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.

- David Sedaris

Discovered, Basement, State University

If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.

- David Sedaris

Riding, About, Had, Wander

No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.

- David Sedaris

Better, Dialect, Even, Writes

I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.

- David Sedaris

Love, Okay, Like, Glee

I love 'Glee.'

- David Sedaris

Love, I Love, Glee

I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.

- David Sedaris

Feel, Like, Makes, Glee

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

- David Sedaris

Next, Last, Author, Collections

I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.

- David Sedaris

Listening, Pleasure, Harry, Potter

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

- David Sedaris

Always, Been, Very, Humorists

They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.

- David Sedaris

Kind, Nothing, Like, French People

I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.

- David Sedaris

Book, Hours, Half, Sitting

People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'

- David Sedaris

Doing, Offensive, Considered, Implants

I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking.

- David Sedaris

Every Day, Part, Became, Twenty

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

- David Sedaris

Book, Years, Started, Twenty

I don't have email.

- David Sedaris

Email

I sometimes read books on my iPad.

- David Sedaris

Sometimes, Books, Read, iPad

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

- David Sedaris

More, Away, Could, Exaggerate

When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.

- David Sedaris

Listening, People, Read, Laughing

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

- David Sedaris

Idea, Still, Figure, Case

My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.

- David Sedaris

Thought, Years, About, Worried

Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.

- David Sedaris

Learn, Lovers, Books, Audio

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.

- David Sedaris

Books, Wretched, Lives, Nonfiction

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