"If you can't get a 'yes,' simply put a 'no' in your pocket and keep asking questions."
This quote suggests that when trying to negotiate or persuade someone, it's not always about getting an immediate "yes." Instead, if a definite answer isn't given, it might be more beneficial to keep asking questions and gathering information. The idea is to continue the conversation and build understanding, eventually leading to an agreement (the 'yes'). By storing a 'no' in your pocket, Christopher Voss metaphorically reminds us that rejection or negativity can be used as learning experiences, and we should not let it discourage us from continuing the dialogue.
"The magic word is 'that.' When people repeat back to me what I just said using the word 'that,' it shows me that they're really listening."
The quote by Christopher Voss emphasizes the importance of active listening in communication. By repeating back what was just said using the word "that," the listener demonstrates their understanding and attentiveness. This technique not only validates the speaker but also fosters a deeper connection and mutual respect, which are essential for effective negotiation and dialogue.
"Most people are more likely to say 'yes' than 'no.' It's not about convincing people to change their minds, but rather understanding why they feel the way they do and then framing things in a way that feels good to them."
The quote by Christopher Voss emphasizes that it is more common for people to agree (say 'yes') than disagree (say 'no'). He suggests that persuading others isn't about forcing a change of mind, but rather, it's about comprehending their feelings and perspectives. By understanding their motivations, we can then present our ideas in a manner that resonates positively with them, thus increasing the likelihood of agreement. In essence, empathy and tactful communication are key to persuading others effectively.
"When you ask someone questions, your job is not to find out what they will say 'yes' to—it’s to find out what their objections are going to be."
This quote emphasizes the importance of understanding opposing viewpoints or objections when engaging in a conversation or negotiation. Rather than focusing on persuading someone towards an agreed outcome, the goal is to identify and address their concerns, reservations, or objections. By doing so, you create an environment where the other party feels heard, respected, and more willing to consider alternative solutions that cater to both parties' needs. This approach fosters understanding, empathy, and a more collaborative discussion overall.
"Empathy is the art of understanding the patient, the customer, the partner, the spouse, the child, the parent, the friend... in a word, understanding other people."
The quote emphasizes that empathy is the skill to comprehend or perceive the feelings, perspectives, and experiences of others, including significant relationships such as patients, customers, partners, family members, and friends. It highlights the importance of genuinely understanding the emotional states, needs, and motivations of others, thereby fostering deeper connections and promoting mutual respect and compassion in our interactions.
There's great power in deference. You ask somebody 'what' or 'how' questions. People love to be asked how to do something. They feel powerful, and from a deferential position, you've actually granted that power, and you're the one that now actually has the upper hand in the conversation.
- Christopher Voss
The best messages in any given negotiation are really implied indirectly, come to the other person based on thinking that you're getting them to do - getting them to get some really solid thought behind their answers. And so a great thing to send someone in an email is, 'Have you given up on this project?'
- Christopher Voss
There are three kinds of yeses. There's commitment, confirmation, and counterfeit. People are most used to giving the counterfeit yes because they've been trapped by the confirmation yes so many times. So the way you master no is understanding what really happens when somebody says 'no.' When yes is commitment, no is protection.
- Christopher Voss
When it comes to salary negotiation, don't forget that salary is only one term of employment. What else is on the table - vacation time, benefits, bonuses, flex days? Before determining that these terms are 'must-haves' or 'giveaways' to get a bigger salary, find out what the counterpart has to offer.
- Christopher Voss
There are a lot of negotiators that really will give in on a deal because being understood is more important than getting what they want. And there's a particular type in particular, the assertive negotiator: being understood is actually more important to them than actually making the deal.
- Christopher Voss
Remember Robin Williams's great work as the voice of the genie in Disney's 'Aladdin'? Because he wanted to leave something wonderful behind for his kids, he said, he did the voice for a cut-rate fee of $75,000, far below his usual $8 million payday. But then something happened: The movie became a huge hit, raking in $504 million.
- Christopher Voss
The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself hostage. People do this to themselves all the time by being desperate for 'yes' or afraid of 'no,' so they don't ask for what they really want. Instead, they ask for what they can realistically get. I've heard many people say, 'Well, that's a non-starter, so we won't even bring it up.'
- Christopher Voss
Mirroring is simply repeating what someone just said. It creates more reception from the other side, it focuses attention, and it gives them an opportunity to dial in more with you and you to dial in more with them. It causes an almost completely unconscious response for the person to want to go on.
- Christopher Voss
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