Carol Burnett Quotes

Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.

- Carol Burnett

Some, Everybody, I Think, Though

I had a good loud voice and I wasn't afraid to be goofy or zany.

- Carol Burnett

Voice, Afraid, Loud, Goofy

I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today.

- Carol Burnett

Week, Dancers, Maybe, Golden

When I was starting out in this business, that was the norm. You did it all. You looked around, and entertainers could dance, sing, play the piano, act, make you laugh.

- Carol Burnett

Business, Play, Looked, Entertainers

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.

- Carol Burnett

Legal, Lawyers, Costs, Sue

I had it in my contract with CBS, a very weird clause that was never written before and certainly not since, that if I wanted to do a variety show within the first five years of the contract, CBS would have to put it on for 30 shows.

- Carol Burnett

Show, Before, Very, Contract

I'm so happy with what has happened in my life.

- Carol Burnett

Life, Happy, My Life, Happened

As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in 'Dharma and Greg' was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing.

- Carol Burnett

Thought, Timing, Go, Dharma

Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids.

- Carol Burnett

College, YouTube, Mail, College Kids

I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry.

- Carol Burnett

Fish, Meat, Eat, Poultry

I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland.

- Carol Burnett

Very, Betty, Garland, Judy

I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins.

- Carol Burnett

Always, Like, Mary, Mary Poppins

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

- Carol Burnett

Head, Over, Lip, Forcing

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

- Carol Burnett

Love, Soul, Though, Joke

I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me.

- Carol Burnett

Love, Singing, I Love, Modern Family

I'm into 'House of Cards.' 'Breaking Bad' - my God, did I binge on that!

- Carol Burnett

Cards, Bad, House Of Cards, Breaking Bad

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

- Carol Burnett

Communication, Own, Once, Printed

I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love.

- Carol Burnett

Love, Always, I Love, First Love

I loved the Kennedy Center Honors because you just sit there, smile, wave, and cry.

- Carol Burnett

Loved, Center, Kennedy, Honors

I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They're the whole ball of wax.

- Carol Burnett

Think, Some, Comics, Tina

I've always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that.

- Carol Burnett

Memory, Always, Been, Good Memory

Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter.

- Carol Burnett

Doing, More, Which, Tim

My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better.

- Carol Burnett

Kind, Anybody, About, Tim

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.

- Carol Burnett

Always, Something Else, Felt, Regretted

I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking.

- Carol Burnett

New, Old, Ticking, Puzzle

My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen.

- Carol Burnett

Mirror, Door, Hollywood, Cracked

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.

- Carol Burnett

Falling, Survive, Through, Helps

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.

- Carol Burnett

Interesting, Away, Pack, Early

When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged.

- Carol Burnett

Disappointment, Try, Things, Discouraged

We don't stop going to school when we graduate.

- Carol Burnett

Graduation, Stop, Going, Graduate

I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy.

- Carol Burnett

Broadway, Wanted, Musical, Musical Comedy

I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.'

- Carol Burnett

I Remember, Average, Movie, Musical Comedy

When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?'

- Carol Burnett

College, Thought, Been, Good Feeling

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.

- Carol Burnett

Behind, Here, Boulevard, Block

My favorite is doing the television show, as a variety show, every week. If the show wasn't that great one week, we could always come back and apologize, you know?

- Carol Burnett

Doing, Week, Always, Apologize

I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called 'Once Upon a Mattress,' that kind of put me on the map.

- Carol Burnett

Kind, Broadway, Mattress, Map

I never felt cynical, and I never felt that I couldn't do what I wanted to do.

- Carol Burnett

Never, Wanted, Felt, Cynical

I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical.

- Carol Burnett

Think, Reason, Never, Cynical

Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that.

- Carol Burnett

Imagination, Belly, Prude, Laugh

On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing.

- Carol Burnett

Good, Ukulele, Haul, Kitchen Table

I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances.

- Carol Burnett

Gun, Circumstances, Guard, Burst

I eat very well, and I do Pilates.

- Carol Burnett

Well, Eat, Very, Pilates

I am not a person who yells at all, but I realized that I have always felt so good after doing the Tarzan yell, after doing Charo, or screaming as Eunice.

- Carol Burnett

Doing, Always, Felt, Tarzan

I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will.

- Carol Burnett

Shy, Student, Pretty, Nerd

When I left 'The Garry Moore Show,' I signed a 10-year contract with CBS.

- Carol Burnett

Left, Moore, Garry, CBS

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

- Carol Burnett

Texas, Welfare, Originally, Relief

I prefer doing TV, where it can be different every time.

- Carol Burnett

Doing, TV, Prefer, Every Time

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.

- Carol Burnett

Love, Like, Idea, Printing

But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table.

- Carol Burnett

Roof, Happen, Over, Table

I didn't really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts.

- Carol Burnett

Studying, Got, Had, UCLA

My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story.

- Carol Burnett

Comedy, Telling, Preference, Sketch Comedy

I loved doing 'The Family' with Eunice and Mama. They were very interesting because there were no jokes written into those sketches. It was all character-driven. And sometimes it got a little heavy.

- Carol Burnett

Interesting, Doing, Very, Jokes

When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

- Carol Burnett

Inspirational, Dream, Never, Grab

I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.

- Carol Burnett

Love, Audience, Could, Laugh

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.

- Carol Burnett

Nose, Making, Private, Laugh

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others.

- Carol Burnett

Feel, Here, Been, Help Others

If I go to a party, I'm not one to be the funniest person in the room at all.

- Carol Burnett

Person, Go, Funniest, Party

You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has.

- Carol Burnett

Newspaper, Which, Means, Case

What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters.

- Carol Burnett

Think, Like, Could, Novel

Jimmy Stewart and Lucille Ball were so unique.

- Carol Burnett

Unique, Ball, Were, Jimmy

My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved.

- Carol Burnett

Childhood, Knew, Rough, Unloved

I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper.

- Carol Burnett

Newspaper, Always, Editor, Studious

Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story.

- Carol Burnett

How, Going, Anyone, Hear

Comedy is tragedy - plus time.

- Carol Burnett

Time, Comedy, Tragedy, Plus

I love Maya Rudolph. She's very multitalented herself.

- Carol Burnett

Love, She, Very, Herself

I really enjoy connecting with the audience.

- Carol Burnett

Enjoy, Audience, Really, Connecting

Because nobody goes through life without a scar.

- Carol Burnett

Through, Goes, Because, Scar

My first book was an open letter to my three daughters.

- Carol Burnett

Book, Three, Daughters, Letter

I'm hooked on Glenn Close in 'Damages.'

- Carol Burnett

Hooked, Damages, Glenn Close, Close

I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it.

- Carol Burnett

Phone, Take, Even, iPhone

I'm like your mother, your sister, whatever.

- Carol Burnett

Mother, Like, Your, Sister

I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite.

- Carol Burnett

Doing, Very, Subject, Killer

It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony.

- Carol Burnett

Proud, Bad, Entertain, Bad Thing

I come from Texas, and my grandmother and mother were born in Arkansas.

- Carol Burnett

Mother, Grandmother, Were, Arkansas

I've always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the '40s because there was no cynicism.

- Carol Burnett

Always, Cynicism, Been, Happened

It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run.

- Carol Burnett

Change, Had, Supposed, Happened

When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen.

- Carol Burnett

New, Never, Happen, York

I'm not a person who likes to confront.

- Carol Burnett

Person, Confront, Who, Likes

Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell.

- Carol Burnett

Feels, Vent, Yell, Scream

I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that.

- Carol Burnett

Want, Film, Them, Spontaneity

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

- Carol Burnett

Think, Like, Buy, Teeth

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me.

- Carol Burnett

Mom, Grandmother, I Wish, Growing Up

Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up.

- Carol Burnett

Want, Journalist, Am, Growing Up

I love audiences.

- Carol Burnett

Love, I Love, Audiences

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

- Carol Burnett

Funnier, Than, Almost, Washington

In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.

- Carol Burnett

Door, Play, Named, Club

I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.

- Carol Burnett

World, Think, I Think, Hardest Thing

My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too.

- Carol Burnett

Sense Of Humor, Very, Dad, Great Sense

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

- Carol Burnett

Teen, Big, Just One, Adolescence

I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw.

- Carol Burnett

Grandmother, Going, Films, I Was Raised

Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant.

- Carol Burnett

Brilliant, Steve Martin, Possessed

You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn.

- Carol Burnett

Want, Sometimes, Turn, Somebody

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

- Carol Burnett

Famous, Celebrity, Go Away, Long Time

My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run.

- Carol Burnett

Movies, Average, Features, Grandmother

I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do.

- Carol Burnett

I Am, Am, Stand-Up

Kristin Wiig I think is brilliant.

- Carol Burnett

Think, I Think, Brilliant

We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted.

- Carol Burnett

Some, Going, Get, Journeys

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

- Carol Burnett

Motivational, My Life, Only, I Can

I liked myself better when I wasn't me.

- Carol Burnett

Myself, Me, Better, Liked

I have a great memory.

- Carol Burnett

Great, Memory

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