Bryan Callen Quotes

My dad's idea of punishment was to dress me up in all green to disguise me as grass, and then throw me in the pasture. Cows bit me all over.

- Bryan Callen

Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.

- Bryan Callen

Women find men attractive who are aggressive... but later on, they get worried that that aggression, that alpha energy, is going to be turned back against them and their children.

- Bryan Callen

Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.

- Bryan Callen

Stand-up comedy is all you. It's your show, it's your game. You control every aspect of it - of that experience and that expression. There's really nothing quite as satisfying.

- Bryan Callen

If you actually get down to the nitty-gritty of the average Pakistani, the average Indian, the average whoever, what you really do know emotionally is that they're exactly the same.

- Bryan Callen

Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.

- Bryan Callen

One of the beautiful things about podcasting is that I'm not beholding to some public entity.

- Bryan Callen

If you're the Rolling Stones, you can sing 'Start Me Up' for 35 years, and people still cheer.

- Bryan Callen

I guess I am attracted to older women. I'm looking for a 40-something who has had her heart broken two or three hundred times. She's going to be fun!

- Bryan Callen

I'm always driven to keep doing something different and better.

- Bryan Callen

I've always wanted to be a brooding, deep, dark artist, but I can never keep that facade going for more than 15 minutes.

- Bryan Callen

It's always a shock to me when I get recognized.

- Bryan Callen

I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.

- Bryan Callen

You go into an audition, you're either the one or you're not, and if you're not, you go home. And I kind of like that. If you're really good, and you're the best guy in the room that day, you get the job.

- Bryan Callen

My point of view is that men are basically animals, and I'm okay with that.

- Bryan Callen

As an actor, you're never busy enough.

- Bryan Callen

There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.

- Bryan Callen

Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.

- Bryan Callen