"I'm like a cat. I have nine lives and I've used five already."
This quote by Artie Lange suggests that he has faced numerous challenges or hardships in his life, much like a cat which is believed to have nine lives. The phrase "I've used five already" implies that he has survived or overcome five major obstacles or setbacks in his life so far. It suggests resilience and the ability to bounce back from adversity.
"I never thought I'd be a comedian, but I couldn't be a construction worker either because I hate to work and I have arthritis in my hands."
The quote expresses that Artie Lange chose comedy as his career path not by design, but more out of necessity. He acknowledges that he is ill-suited for traditional labor jobs due to both a dislike for physical work and a medical condition (arthritis in his hands). Comedy, in this context, seems to be an appealing alternative because it requires less manual labor and aligns better with his personal preferences and limitations.
"The best way to get over a woman is to get under another one."
This quote implies that moving on from a past relationship can sometimes be facilitated by starting a new one. However, it's important to note that everyone heals at their own pace, and there's no universally correct way to handle heartbreak. It's crucial to prioritize self-care, take time to reflect, and only pursue new connections when ready, with genuine intentions and respect for oneself and others.
"Being clean is great, but being funny is better."
Artie Lange's quote emphasizes that while maintaining personal cleanliness is important, humor has a greater impact on one's life. It suggests that people should prioritize finding humor in situations over the pursuit of perfection or strict adherence to societal norms regarding cleanliness. This perspective encourages individuals to find joy and laughter, recognizing the power of humor in creating connections, reducing stress, and enriching experiences.
"I don't do drugs anymore, but I still love them."
This quote suggests a complex relationship with substance abuse where the speaker (Artie Lange) has chosen to stop using drugs, likely due to personal struggles or negative experiences. However, he acknowledges that he still maintains an affectionate attachment towards these substances, indicating the allure, appeal, or nostalgia they hold for him. It underscores the difficulty of overcoming addictive behaviors and the lingering emotional ties that can remain even after abstaining from harmful habits.
When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that not only do they holiday in places that are hard to find on a map, but that they also use the names of seasons as verbs. When they asked me, 'Where did you summer and winter growing up?' I would usually say, 'As a child? The same place I springed and autumned.'
- Artie Lange
All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you're laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I'm saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
- Artie Lange
When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.
- Artie Lange
Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.
- Artie Lange
Woody Allen stayed so good because he never left New York. Howard Stern stayed so good because he never left New York - Mel Brooks when he just got out of New York was doing 'Blazing Saddles;' when he left New York he started doing stuff like 'Robin Hood Men In Tights' - he was in L.A. too long. He lost the edge.
- Artie Lange
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