Anthony Jeselnik Quotes

Powerful Anthony Jeselnik for Daily Growth

About Anthony Jeselnik

Anthony Jeselnik, born on February 22, 1978, is an American comedian, writer, and actor known for his dark, deadpan humor and distinctive style. Raised in Scranton, Pennsylvania, he developed a love for comedy at a young age, often watching stand-up specials instead of cartoons as a child. This early exposure to comedy greats like Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy would later influence his own comedic voice. After graduating from the University of Tampa in 1999 with a degree in theater, Jeselnik spent several years performing at open-mics and small comedy clubs before gaining recognition on the third season of NBC's Last Comic Standing in 2007. Although he didn't win the competition, his dark humor and unique delivery caught the attention of viewers and industry professionals alike. Jeselnik's major breakthrough came with his Comedy Central special 'Caligula' in 2010, which was praised for its boldness and originality. This success led to a multi-season deal with the network, including hosting the roast of Donald Trump in 2011 and his own series, 'The Jeselnik Offensive,' which ran from 2013 to 2014. In addition to his television work, Jeselnik has released several successful stand-up albums, including 'Shakespeare' (2013) and 'Thoughts and Prayers' (2017). He has also written for shows like 'Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn' and 'Comedy Central Presents.' Jeselnik continues to tour and perform stand-up, pushing the boundaries of comedy with his distinctive dark humor. His unique voice and fearless approach to comedy have made him a favorite among comedy fans and a respected figure in the industry.

Interpretations of Popular Quotes

"I don't even believe in hell, but if I did I would rearrange it so that all the teeth-whitening product testers go there first."

This quote suggests a satirical perspective where the comedian, Anthony Jeselnik, humorously imagines an alternate version of Hell. In this imaginary scenario, instead of punishing the morally corrupt or wicked, he places those who test teeth-whitening products at the top of his list. This implies that he finds such a repetitive, seemingly insignificant task to be intensely torturous or annoying, which is the comedian's way of expressing disdain for mundane tasks often associated with marketing and consumerism.

"My parents were married for 35 years. Not together, just separately."

This quote suggests a tumultuous or challenging marriage between Anthony Jeselnik's parents. Despite being legally married for 35 years, they seem to have spent most of that time apart from each other, rather than living together as a united couple. It could imply strife, separation, or a lack of connection in their relationship.

"I got my daughter vaccinated... She was due for a booster shot of stupidity."

This quote by Anthony Jeselnik is a humorous play on words, utilizing irony to comment on the act of vaccination. By saying "booster shot of stupidity," he's suggesting that parents should be taking active steps (like vaccinations) to protect their children from harm or negative influences, but in this case, he humorously implies that he is instead increasing her level of foolishness. It is a witty way to highlight the importance of education and parental guidance in preventing 'stupidity' in one's child.

"I hate when people say 'Every cloud has a silver lining.' I don't care about the silver lining! I want the fucking clouds to go away!"

This quote expresses frustration and a desire for immediate resolution to problems, rather than finding a silver lining or positive aspect in them. The speaker suggests that they would prefer to eliminate the problem (the cloud) entirely, rather than seeking comfort or optimism from its potential benefits (the silver lining). It's a reflection of a perspective that focuses on tackling challenges head-on without accepting or embracing temporary setbacks.

"Being a parent is like being a judge on a reality TV show: you have to watch other people screw up, but ultimately you're responsible for their well-being."

This quote by Anthony Jeselnik highlights the paradoxical nature of parenthood. As parents, we are observers, much like judges on reality TV shows, watching our children navigate through life and make mistakes. Yet, unlike these judges, we are not merely spectators; we are actively involved in shaping their well-being and future. It underscores the dual role of a parent - to guide and correct while also providing support and understanding during their learning process. The responsibility for our children's growth and development is immense, yet the joy and satisfaction that comes from nurturing them can be immeasurable.

I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Doing, I Think, Polite, Jokes

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

- Anthony Jeselnik

More, Everybody, Them, Jokes

I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Like, Could, Seemed, Ripping

In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Some, Had, Almost, Bored

I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Think, Audience, Take, Consideration

I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldn't be the bad guy in the joke; he couldn't upset people, really.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Voice, Upset, In The Past, Jimmy

I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People say that young comics shouldn't be trying these things. That's ridiculous. You should try everything and see what sticks.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Young, Very, Comics, Sticks

Everyone has the same kind of fears; everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and 'I hope horrible things don't happen to my family,' but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Death, Big, I Think, Big Problems

That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were upset.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Comedy, Upset, Wrote, Hear

I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Voice, Reason, Offensive, Fodder

The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing for 11 years as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Doing, Behind, Been, Liking

On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and tweet it. That was my thing, and then at a certain point, people started demanding it.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Die, Started, Certain Point, Joke

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Think, Seeing, Like, Comedian

Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Doing, Through, Phase, Comic

I enjoyed writing for someone else's voice, but I wasn't very good at it.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Voice, Someone, Very, Enjoyed

I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Bad, Always, TV, Improves

I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up.

- Anthony Jeselnik

Loved, Never, Would, Stand-Up

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